Credit: Sergi Bachlakov/The CW ©2011 The CW Network Photo: Melissa in Season 1, Episode 16: “Lucky”

The extended promo for Season 1, Episode 19 of The Secret Circle is 31 jam-packed seconds of twitching hotties, crystal rocks, and doodles! If you watched this clip and still feel like you have no idea whether or not John Blackwell is everyone's secret father, fear not. We’ve parsed through every millisecond of the promo content for “Crystal” and created a detailed analysis of what’s to come!

0:01 – A Car Drives Into a Snowy Driveway
OMG, this feels important. Someone go grab the sorting hat, because if we're Hufflepuff, so help us....

0:02 – A Creepy Stalker Wall Is Full Of Newspaper Clippings 
Sigh, we've so longed to see the inside of Adam's (Thomas Dekker) bedroom!

0:03 – The Camera Zooms in on a Post-It Note With Arrows
High five, props department. 

0:04 – A Giant Photo of a Centaur Flashes Before Our Eyes
Stop the world. Blackwell is half horse. 

0:05 – Doodles of Ghouls Cover the Screen
Wow, Adam really has a lot of time on his hands.

0:06 – Random Old Man Tells The Circle That John Blackwell "Wants Children"
Yikes, someone call CPS....

0:07 – John Blackwell Looks Ernest and Adorable
So he wants to propagate his seed? Who can blame him!

0:10 – Faye (Phoebe Tonkin) and Melissa (Jessica Parker Kennedy) Realize Blackwell and Dawn Were Secretly Sexing
They were so the Monica and Chandler of their Circle.

0:11 – Faye, Cassie (Britt Robertson), and Jake (Chris Zylka) Hang in a Truck
Breathing in all the stud fumes, we assume.

0:13 – Cassie Reveals That She and Faye (?) Are Sisters From Another Mistress
Check out Faye's side-eye. She would seriously rather be related to Adam.

0:15 – Faye Looks Out a Broken Window
Sigh, it looks like Adam was trying to reenact Say Anything at the wrong house again. 

0:16 – Mystery Motorcycler Zooms Off Into the Unknown
That better be Nick Armstrong (Louis Hunter), because we're experiencing major withdrawal symptoms.

0:17 – Melissa, Adam, and Diana (Shelley Hennig) Stare at a Big Bag of Crystals
So many pet rocks — what shall we name them all? 

0:18 – A Leather-Clad Hottie Writhes Around on the Pavement
Yikes, did Jake get into another fight with his Nalgene bottle? This guy.

0:18 – Blackwell Longues in a Rocking Chair While Charles (Gale Harold) Tries To Kill Him
He's just like, "lol."

0:19 – Charles Lights a Votive Candle
We always knew he was a Yankee Candle nerd.

0:20 – Blackwell Drops a Coffee Cup
What a waste of Stumptown.

0:21 – Grandma Jane Passes Out on The Floor
At this point, we're just happy she isn't talking about the good ol' days. Sigh, old people. 

0:21 – Faye Tries to Stop Mystery Motorcycle Rider From Running Her Over
And fails.

0:22 – Cassie Saves Faye's Life
These two are just like the Olsen twins! (Adam is Elizabeth... forever alone).

0:25 – Blackwell Stares at a Crystal
My precioussssss.

 

 

Credit: YouTube Photo: Secret Circle Extended Preview Video For Season 1, Episode 19, "Crystal": Motorcycle Madness