Oh, Adrian. It's been four long seasons of binge-eating, sausage parties, ex-prostitutes and false eyelashes, and now girl is finally ready for a change.
We have a feeling that Adrian will be back and better than ever when Secret Life of the American Teenager returns to our lives on March 26, so check out a list of 5 things we'd love to see from her next season. Adrian for the win, ya'll!
1. A Makeover
Adrian is the best dresser on Secret Life, but she let herself go during that unfortunate downward spiral. Before she bought every single pink jumpsuit at Juicy Couture, Adrian was known for dressing provocatively — partly because of her insecurity about men (aka Ricky), and partly because she's the "school slut."
We think Adrian should tone it down with some clothes that aren't made of spandex — and who knows? Maybe she'll be more confident! Not that there's anything wrong with showing off your belly piercing ....
2. A New Boyfriend
Poor Adrian has had terrible luck with men. The Rickster might be a great boyfriend now-a-days, but back when he and Adrian were in the sack, he was a total playa. Adrian could barely get him to spend the night after hanky-panky, and it took him months to drop the L-word!
Adrian's other boyfriends haven't been much better — and don't even get us started on that time she slept with her stepbrother, because we're still having nightmares. There's no question that Adrian needs a man who will treat her right!
3. Some New Birth Control
If there's one thing we've learned from Secret Life, it's that everyone is pregnant, about to be pregnant, was pregnant, or is being sperminated as we speak.
Basically, we watch this show wearing protection just in case Ricky impregnates us through the TV with his studly gaze.
Adrian is the most sexually experienced Secret Lifer, but even she managed to preggo her eggo, and we're not gonna let it happen again. Adrian needs to consult her gynecologist and get a birth control plan that won't let her down!
4. A Life Coach/Mentor
We love Adrian even more than we love churros dipped in pickle juice, but there's no denying that girlfriend is slightly crazy. Need we remind you of the time she punched all those holes in Ben's sausage pad? Lady meant business.
Adrian doesn't have time for therapy, but we'd love her to get a life coach! Preferably someone who can direct her away from sheet rock and toward a punching bag ....
Maybe counselor Katelyn can take some time off from lurking in halls to lend a helping hand?
5. A Shoulder to Cry On
Remember back when Adrian would hang with all her besties? No? It's because that never happened. Poor girl couldn't even find people to celebrate her baby shower, and everyone at school thinks she's totally nuts.
Adrian needs a core group of gal pals more than ever. Belting out "Someone Like You" just isn't the same when you're alone.