Credit: ABC Family Photo: Ricky Confesses to John in Episode 4.12, "The Games We Play"

Do you love Secret Life of the American Teenager unconditionally? So do we! But sometimes we scratch out heads and go: “What the whaaaa?”

If you ended this episode filled with Secret Life joy, but also some mild confusion about certain teens and their sexy antics, you’re in luck! We’ve rounded up the biggest WTF moments from season 4, episode 11, “The Games We Play.”

1. Ricky tells John his life story! There’s nothing like getting tucked in to bed, only to have your daddy recount chapter one of "Ricky Underwood: A Life Of Abuse, Sex, Hair Gel And More Sex." Baby John is one more traumatizing bed time story away from being like, “Seriously, WTF is wrong with you people?” Way to give your kid nightmares, Ricky.

2. Amy rubs Ricky’s hair coif! Honestly, we don’t even know why we’re surprised anymore. Of course the way into Ricky’s heart is through washing his hair! That coif is sacred and needs tender loving just like the rest of us.

3. Ricky talks to himself! We were under the impression that Ricky had one personality: Super Stud. Well, last night our world turned upside down. Ricky broke out Super Stud’s alter ego: Mischievous Schemer. He was literally cackling to himself in glee whilst narrating his evil plot to get Amy to pamper him. Blair Waldorf would be proud!

Credit: ABC Family Photo: Jesse Talks to his Bird in Episode 4.12, "The Games We Play"

4. Jesse traumatizes a cockatoo! So ... where to begin? Let’s just say that if you walk in on your boyfriend having an emotional conversation with his pet cockatoo, it’s time to break up. Even that bird was like, “Woah there, dude. I’m just a bird.”

5. Did we just witness the worst pizza party ever? It’s really, really hard to make a pizza party seem like a total bummer, but congratulations, Secret Life: You did it. We don’t know if this was some sort of failed attempt at product placement for Bagel Bites, but Leo and his platter of mini-pizzas made us never want to eat another slice again.

6. Jack asks Daniel and Grace on a triple date! The only explanation we can possible come up with for this epic WTF is that Jack’s brain has been addled by that secret STI of his.

Credit: ABC Family Photo: Ben, Henry, and Alice are Ready to be Seniors in Episode 4.12, "The Games We Play"

7. Ben has a $5,500 chair in his room? All you design snobs out there may have noticed that Ben was kicking back in the fanciest office chair known to man kind: The Lounge Chair by Charles and Ray Eames, which retails at $5,449. Considering that the rest of Ben’s furniture looks like it came out of some men’s sporting goods catalogue, we need an explanation stat.

8. Ashley is NEVER coming home. Ashley’s MIA status makes our list almost every week, but we finally have some info that may shed some light on what’s going on with Baby Juergens. She’s just never coming home. Don’t believe us? Ask Anne: “I think she might be getting a little bored, but I also don’t think she’ll ever be back here.” Nice knowing you, Ash.

9. Ricky doesn’t own pajamas! What, you didn’t know studs sleep naked?