Like the ghosts of Thanksgivings past, Secret Life of the American Teenager is ephemeral, beautiful, and terrifying. Luckily, Wetpaint Entertainment has unearthed a lost Turkey Day special to satiate your appetite during Secret Life's off-season.
Let us join hands and give thanks for this forgotten episode that we
dreamed dug up. And grab some tissues because it’s going to beat the stuffing out of your emotions.
Scene 1: Ricky And Amy Next to Their Lockers
Jazzy piano notes play as the camera zooms in on Ricky and Amy hanging by their lockers. The hallway is empty, save for a lone pack of forgotten condoms.
Amy: Ricky, should we go to Jack’s Thanksgiving party?
Ricky: Don’t talk to me about that. I need space.
Amy: Oh my gosh, Ricky, don't do this, don't cut me out.
Ricky: (punches locker) Where the hell is my gel?
The camera cuts to baby John, alone in the apartment, sitting on his dog bed and writing in his journal. He gives the camera a knowing look and one small tear trickles down his face.
Scene 2: Adrian Sits in the Kitchen With Her Mom
Adrian: So remind me again, why am I bringing two turkeys to Jack’s house?
Cindy: Well, I would say that I’m roasting this one now for practice, but the truth is ... how do I put this. Remember when you were pregnant and you got all fat eating churros and stuff?
Adrian: There is a fire starting in my heart. Reaching a fever pitch and bringing me out the dark.
Cindy: (stares blankly)
Scene 3: Jack’s House
Madison, Amy and Lauren hang out in the living room while Jack forlornly bastes a turkey in the background.
Amy: (Crying all over her bangs) I don’t know why he shuts me out. I just wanted to have a nice family Thanksgiving.
Madison: I know, right? I’m gonna go call everyone I know.
Jack: (In the background) Wake up in the morning and I ask myself, is life worth living should I blast myself?
Madison: (To Amy and Lauren) Don’t mind him, he’s going through a Tupac phase.
Scene 4: George Juergens Hangs Out in His Kitchen
Mysterious yet cheerful piano notes play as George prepares two bowls of dog food.
George: Nothing like some meat scraps for a Thanksgiving treat, right Moose?
George: One for you, one for me.
George and Moose binge eat out of their respective dog bowls.
Scene 5: Thanksgiving at Jack’s
The entire gang is sitting at the Thanksgiving table, Jack walks in from the kitchen holding a turkey.
Jack: I’d like us to please hold hands. On this day, we thank Lord Biebus, Lord Beysus and Dembabies for the feast we are about to share. Let’s pray that all of our STIs clear up this year and ... (breaks down crying)
Madison: Just ignore him, he did this the other night when we had sex. It’ll pass.
Ricky: (Scooping up handfuls of cranberry sauce and shoving it in a plastic bag marked “GEL”) I need to get my hands on some sausage.
Ben: Someone pass the bowl of condoms.