Credit: ABC Family Photo: Jack Hangs Out With His Football in Season 5, Episode 6: "Holy Rollers"

You guys, everything is happening in Secret Life Land. People are being stabbed, Jesus may or may not have had sex (ask Adrian), we're getting life lessons all over the place, and Jack wants to get married. So intense, right?! Lucky for you, we've rounded up the seven best quotes from the episode for you to ponder. Check 'em out!

7. Kathy bonds with her new crush: "The guy stabbed you?"
Ethan: "Oh, my dad. Yeah, just in the calf."

No biggie — just a flesh wound.

6. Adrian offends millions of people: "Oh, like Jesus never had sex."

Who do you think invented gateway sex, Adrian?


5. Leo dishes out some wisdom: "Life is a continuum."

No idea what this is supposed to mean, but it sounds wise.


4. Dylan's dad insults her taste in Michael Jackson's “Ben”: "That’s about a rat, you know."

It's about so. Much. More.


3. Jack proposes: "I think I might wanna ask Grace to marry me."

Noooooo! Stop this madness!


2. Henry ponders life's great mysteries: "You know what I never got? Why we always see Christ at his worst moment."

For real. How about some statues of him chilling with his homies?


1. Ben word-voms: "Once something is absolutely forbidden, I just want it all the more."

Well, this is creepy.