Ahhh, Secret Life of The American Teenager. Just when we think you’ve reached your peak, you blow us away all over again. It must have something to do with the wind generated every time Ricky flips his hair coif.
Drama ran high in last night’s episode “4-1-1,” as tends to be the case when people send naked pictures of under-aged girls to everyone on their phone. Wait, WTF? Check out Wetpaint Entertainment’s most scandalous recap of the season to find out what went down in Sausage Town!
Sext on a Stick
Amy and Ricky are having major relationship problems because of last week’s booty call message incident, and they haven’t been living together for a whole week! Ricky claims he was only saving Adrian’s messages to use as “evidence” against her, but we think he’s just trying to turn this thing around and make himself into a victim. Sigh. Studs, right?
Maybe it’s a good thing that The Rickster kicked Amy out of his sausage pad, because he gets a surprise visit from Ethan, his foster brother from another mother who ran away from home after stealing a set of antique scalpels. What, you didn’t know Ricky had a brother with a knife fetish? Neither did we, Secret Life writers. Neither. Did We.
Ethan’s in big trouble because he revenge sexted a naked picture of his sixteen-year-old ex-girlfriend to everyone on his phone, and now her dad is trying to have him arrested. Clearly there’s only one person who can rectify this hot mess: Ricky “Virgin Impregnator” Underwood. (And the police.)
Ricky agrees to accompany Ethan to the po-pos’ office so he can turn himself in, but first he calls Margaret, who puts Ethan in touch with Adrian’s dad. Honestly, we don’t know if Ruben is the right person to handle a sexting scandal. We haven’t forgotten about the time he accidentally flashed his junk to Amy in her kitchen.
Meanwhile, Amy’s beating herself up for listening to Ricky’s messages, and to make her feel better, George admits that he’s read all of her texts and emails. Oh, George. We have so many feelings about you, and none of them are positive. At least Daddy Juergens isn’t the only snoop in Preggers-City — Madison and Lauren regularly check their boyfriends’ phones, too!
Amy heads over to Ricky’s apartment before school (presumably to beg for forgiveness and weep all over his six pack) and is surprised to meet Ethan, who’s like, “Damn, your baby mama is smokin’!” (in so many words).
Later that day, Ethan sits down with his ex’s dad, a cop and Ruben, who tell Ethan that he’s going to be arrested for distribution of child pornography and put in juvie!
Lesson learned: Sexting equals jail time.
Friends With Benefits
Ben and Adrian have finally come to the mutual decision to get a divorce, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t still attracted to each other. After all, how can Ben resist Adrian’s crazy eyes and adorable habit of punching holes in the wall? Adrian offers to be Ben’s bestie with benefits, and they proceed to get jiggy with it all over their condo. Let’s just hope they remember how condoms work this time ‘round.
At first we thought Adrian was suffering from depression, then we realized she had a binge eating disorder, and now we’ve finally discovered the truth: Girlfriend is a full-blown sex addict and she’s willing to destroy the lives of innocent children (we love you, Baby John!) just to bone Ricky.
Grace is worried about Adrian’s obsession with getting lucky, so what does she do? She gets Daniel to set Adrian up with his hot upstairs neighbor, Dante (played by Lil’ Bow Wow!). Adrian agrees to slut it up with him, but just to make Ricky jealous.
The fab four head over to Daniel’s pad, where Adrian tells Dante all about how she’s a soon-to-be divorcee with the hots for her ex-boyfriend. Apparently this is a turn on, because they head out to find the perfect spot on her body for a tattoo — which she promptly sexts to Ricky.
O-to-the-M-to-the-G, what is happening to our dear, sweet, Adrian?!
Pretty Young Things
In the world of Secret Life’s resident randoms, Lauren and Jesse are back together and Madison is single, ready to mingle, and feels majorly left out of the dating loop. We’ll go ahead and assume Mad’s wearing that denim tube top/ t-shirt combo as an outward expression of her inner feelings: Confuzzled.
Meanwhile, in Sausage Town, Leo drops by the butcher shop to announce that he and Betty are breaking up because she wants to go to college, and then he re-hires Nora as his personal assistant. Good for Betty and Nora!
By the way, for all of you wondering where the hell Ashley is, it turns out she and Toby are flirting with whoring their bodies out for medical experiments which may or may not cause liver failure and death.
Meat: It’s What’s For Dinner
It seems like Adrian’s plan to win Ricky back just might work, because Amy and Ricky can’t seem to get past their trust issues. After a rough day at school, Amy goes home to hang with her pop while he makes (what else?) a giant T-bone steak, and Ricky shows up to admit that he’s snooped in Amy’s phone, just like she snooped in his! Too bad Ricky’s honesty doesn’t seem to make Amy feel better, and she storms out in a huff.
Luckily, once Ricky has his fix of meat he gives Amy the apology she deserves. Of course, it all boils down to his traumatic childhood and anger issues, but that’s nothing a big hug from his baby mama can’t fix! Awwww, we’re so happy these two are back together — especially since they’re skipping off arm-in-arm to get matching wedding band tattoos. Yes, you read that right.
Tune in next week to an all-new Secret Life to see if Ramy really went through with their romantic body inking! ‘Til death do they part, ladies!