It's time for your weekly fix of Secret Life! Breathe in the sausagey fumes, munch on some meat lovers' pizza and try to resist the urge to slam your fist through a wall, because this episode is even more drama-filled than usual.
That's right, Ben and his first child bride are making eyes at each other, and we think a reunion might be in the works!
Empire State of Mind
In case her penchant for teenage baby-making hadn't clued you in, Amy isn't the brightest bulb in the teen mom bunch. Yeah, she has great fashion, and duh, her experiments with side-bangs are legendary, but girl is a major fail when it comes to her homework.
Counselor Katelynn breaks the news that Amy might not be able to go to college with Ricky if she doesn't up her GPA, but it's just like what-ever. Girl has more important things on her mind, like "going out to play." (Her words.)
Meanwhile, Amy's friends from New York (tragically not Bristol Palin) show up at the butcher shop wanting a place to crash, and Ricky's less than thrilled. Mostly because Amy wants to kick him out of the house so she can have a girly bonding session, which gives Lauren a major case of jellies.
What happened to the good ol' days when everyone's biggest problem was whether or not Jesse's cockatoo was poking holes in their condoms?
Speaking of Jesse, it looks like his ex-girlfriend, Lauren, and his ex-lover, Madison, might be friends again! This is great news, but it means Henry has no one to talk to but Alice and Ben –– neither of whom want to be his bestie.
Sigh, can't we all just get along?
The Babysitters' Club
Our future husband Ben Boykewich is drowning in a sea of sausage and ladies. First, there's his new girlfriend Dylan, who is days away from tramp-stamping "Meat Lover" on her back.
Then there's Adrian, who definitely has something up her Juicy Couture sleeves, and finally there's Amy. Call us crazy, but we think Ben might be crushin' on Amy big time, and the feeling is mutual!
But how will Dylan react to Ben's friendship with his former child bride? This feisty redhead is so jealous that Ben can't even be friends with Alice for fear of incurring Dylan's wrath, so it's doubtful that she'll fist-pump in excitement over Bamy.
Oh also, Ricky spends most of this episode babysitting small children, which is both hilarious (we love nothing more than Story Time With Ricky) and extremely jazzy. You've done it again, Secret Life sound guys!
My Boyfriend's Back!
Remember last week when Grace hated her brother-from-another-mother with a passion? Well, now these two are besties, which means Grace's life is finally drama free, right?
Wrong — Grace has 99 problems and her friend with bennies is one! You see, Jack wants to do the deed, but Grace only wants to sleep with him if he'll put a ring on it. Yikes!
Of course, Jake refuses to pop the question, and it looks like he'll once again form an intimate relationship with his football. We missed you, Wilson!
Meanwhile, Ethan sets Jacob up on a double date (Big pimpin', Ethan!), but Margaret intervenes before either of them can get their underage lady lovin' on.
Thank goodness, because last time Ethan had a girlfriend he took pornographic pictures of her and went to juvie. Let's not go down that troubling road again!
But that isn't the only drama in Rental-Ville! Leo's girlfriend, Camille, wants to make sausage babies with him, and she has dinner with Betty to get advice. Unfortunately, Betty's just like "Girl, you old," so it doesn't look like these two will be fast friends any time soon.
But the real jaw-dropper? Omar proposes to Adrian. Even though she just got divorced and we're pretty sure Omar broke up with her last week. What. Is. Happening?