Smell that? It's the gentle aroma of freshly lathered bacon grease on a hair coif, which can only mean one thing. It's time to get our Secret Life of The American Teenager on!
Last time we checked in on our favorite gang of sausage lovers, Adrian had just been proposed to (again!), Ben was crushing on Amy, and a couple innocent kiddos were sitting down for Story Time With Ricky. Dreamy sigh!
Benny From the Block
HRH The Sausage Prince is completely confuzzled. Two weeks ago he was crazy in love (no seriously, he might be crazy) with Dylan NoLastName, and now he has feelings for Amy.
We get that Ben will always have a connection to Ames (what with her being his illegal child bride and all) but is this friendship really a good idea?
Dylan's horrified by Ben's sexy social status with Amy and Adrian, so she invites her buddies to his house for a game of pool and some good ol' fashioned plotting.
Dylan's friends force Ben to text Henry as a distraction from Double A, but even worse? They want Ben to transfer schools halfway through his senior year!
Meanwhile, Henry's ecstatic about his bromance with Benny From the Block, so he heads over to Alice's house and finds her wearing the least revealing leopard print lingerie ever. Oh, Secret Life, how we love you!
At first, Henry tries to resist Alice's sensual charms, but then he ends up accidentally pressing his, erm, "attraction" on her. What. Is. Happening?!
After we recover from our trauma-induced fainting spell, Henry and Alice head to Ben's house and have a fun sleepover, only to have Henry wake up with ... uh ... another accidental boner. What happened to you, ABC Family? We'll be PTSD-ing about this moment for the rest of our lives.
In more sausagey news, Camille still wants to fill her womb with Leo's meat babies, but it looks like she's willing to give up her dreams if it means a night of passion with The Sausage King. How adorable?
Let Freedom Ring
The Rickster is displeased. When Amy breaks the news about her friendship with Ben during family dinner (read: meatless pasta sauce –– the horror!), she's disappointed that Ricky isn't more jealous.
Turns out that Amy's just projecting her own jealousy about a random geriatric woman who gave Ricky heirloom tomatoes, so she teaches her man a lesson by setting their wedding date: July 4. How patriotic!
Ricky celebrates the news by busting out American flag underwear (cue us passing out), only to be completely rejected by Amy.
Uhm, has she gone blind, because Ricky is definitely half naked and dressed like Sexy Uncle Sam.
Sigh, at least Ricky's foster mom is thrilled about the wedding –– she even brings a calendar to Amy as an engagement present, which we're sure Ames will end up ripping into shreds in a hormonal rage.
Lovely Lady Lumps
Anne and Ashley are still in "Paris," and George is convinced that his ex wifey is a lesbian. Apparently, this means Boy George is a free man, so he spreads the news of Anne's lady luvin' to everyone in town, and then heads to Kathleen's house for another hot hook up. Luckily, there was some forewarning this time, so we were able to avert our eyes.
In other news, Grace and Jack still haven't decided whether or not they're dating –– even though we're pretty sure they broke up last week. Jack is head over sneakers for Grace, and she's even more addicted to his lips that she's addicted to cookies.
So, what's the problem? Neither of these wayward teens are ready for a lifelong commitment! What gives? Can't they just get married like normal 16-year-olds?
Meanwhile, Omar's still trying to get Adrian to put a ring on it, but she won't even commit to a year of exclusive dating.
Oh well, at least she promises not to sleep with anyone for a whole week! Baby steps, right people?
By the way, has anyone seen Ashley? We know she's technically on vaycay with her mom, but we haven't heard from her in days, and Anne is too busy sexperimenting with the ladies to notice.
Who wants to place bets about whether this gal is a) pregnant, b) on an MTV reality show, or c) working at Moulin Rouge?