Praise the sex gods, Ricky is STD-free! Finally — proof that miracles do happen. Now Ricky and Amy can get their groove on; after all, there’s nothing like getting down and dirty when you’re 100 percent clean! But before these two sex it up, they have to get Ricky’s mom out of the house. ‘Cause otherwise, ew.
Amy and Nora meet for the first time and things get real creepy real fast. Nora tells Amy that they look like twins, and Amy almost voms all over her peasant top. Sigh, we always knew Ricky had mommy issues, but this takes it to the extreme. After revealing that she used to be an addict, Nora convinces Amy to skip school and hang. OMG, watch out, Amy! Hugs not drugs!
Ricky’s less than thrilled that Amy and Nora are becoming besties, so he tells Amy all about his mom’s sordid past as a gun-toting drug user. They make a pit stop at Katelyn O’Malley’s office and — surprise, surprise — dish out all their dramz. Is it just us, or did Ricky look Katelyn up and down? He so wants a piece of that 7th Heaven tail.
Over at the Juergens’ broken home, Ashley’s doing a great job home-schooling herself with celebrity gossip magazines (best homework ever!), but all that changes when Katelyn shows up with a big pile o’ books and plenty of rules. George is concerned about Ash’s lack of friends, so Griffin tries to reconnect with her. Seriously, no matter how many hilars jokes Griffin makes, Ash’s facial expression refuses to change. Is this girl part cyborg?
Over at STD City, Grace attempts to coerce Adrian into ditching school with her. When did Grace become such a shut-in? Oh yeah, probs when she found out she might have a gross mystery STD. Jack half-heartedly apologizes to Grace for sleeping with her when he was harboring the nasty, but Grace isn’t about to forgive him any time soon. She’s shocked when Jack reveals that he wasn’t a virgin when they slept together. Oh, Jack. You are failing all over the place. Also, can we just point out that Jack still hasn’t told Grace what type of STD he had? Was it the clap? The herp? So many possibilities!
After Jack implies that Adrian and he did the deed together (Oh Em Gee, we thought they just gate-wayed!), Grace spirals into a fit of hysterical crying. Luckily, it’s Grant to the rescue! These two lovebirds sit down to chat about Grace’s possibly infected girl bits. She’s ready to swear off sex forever, but then Grant drops the L-bomb: “Come on you disease-carrying skank. You know I love you.” Swoon! We take back everything we ever said about this Bieber-wannabe. We heart him! (Even though his bangs are threatening to eat his face.)
Meanwhile, things aren’t going so well for Madison and Lauren, who are dealing with their dunzo summer relationships. Poor Lauren is heartbroken about Jesse and has sworn off dudes for good. Madison, on the other hand, is ready to pounce her 25-year-old crush, Stanley. This guy makes Jack look like the perfect man.
Over at The Sausage Kingdom, Ben asks Adrian to move in with him and she flat-out rejects him because apparently they’re “just friends.” Um, pause! Weren’t these two making out last season? Adrian tells Ben that she’ll only shack up with him if they get married in the future. Be careful what you wish for, girl! Ben loves nothing more than proposing to preggo teens — and third time’s a charm!
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