Ladies, it's time to fry up some breakfast sausage and break out your life-size Ricky poster. Secret Life is bringing major drama this week, and a cuddle sesh with our body pillow is pretty much the only thing that's getting us through this soulacoaster of emotions.
The girls just can't stay away from Ricky. Try as this stud might to be a dedicated house husband who knits doilies all day, his playa-radar is constantly on red alert. This week's target? Clementine, an old foster friend who shows up while he "studying" at a cafe. Uh oh, we smell trouble (and sausage links, but that's another story).
Clementine and Ricky are just friends, but she's definitely a mega babe, and we have a feeling the Rickster will be powerless to resist her ombre hair. Sigh college girls …
Speaking of college, it looks like Grant High's sexiest trifecta of hotties are in the same class together! Yep, Ricky, Adrian, and Jack are all enrolled in English Lit, which means Adrian's getting her nerd on with two dudes she used to sleep with. By the way, Jack's football coach still wants him to convert to Christianity, and their plan is for Grace to gateway sex him into going to church. Oh, Secret Life.
In other news, Amy is still uncomfortable with her mom throwing her a wedding, and frankly she's being kinda witchy with a capital B. Amy still isn't down with her mom being gay, and even worse? She wants to keep the thousand big ones that her Alzheimers-riddled grandma sent her during a fit of memory loss. Wow, Amy. Now you're stealing from old ladies? Get yo'self together.
Make It Rain
Time to check in on Ben, because as usual, we are super, super, super-duper worried. And not just because he thinks pleated khakis are acceptable to wear in public. Last week, Ben was left unattended for about five minutes, and decided to confess to burning down Dylan's school, which sent Dylan into a crazy/beautiful rage (emphasis on the crazy).
So, what foolish antics is Ben up to this week? Oh, just hanging about town trying not to accidentally light anyone on fire, but the good news is that he and Henry have a chance to rekindle their bromance! Of course, Henry doesn't know that Ben slept with Alice, but that's a revelation for another drama-packed episode.
Meanwhile, Leo learns some fabulous news from his Mafia insiders: Ben is officially innocent (freeeee as a bird now) thanks to Dylan sweet talking the police! The downside? He's never allowed to see Dylan again, and he's on restriction from Henry and Alcide.
Oh well, at least Ben will be able to occupy himself with prayer, because yep — he's morphed into a born again Christian. Turns out, Ben promised God that he'd go to services if he got out of jail free, so expect him to hookup with Grace on a church pew any day now.
In other news, Amy is still "mentoring" that knocked up teen named Kathy, and Ricky's extremely perverted foster brother, Ethan, is making eyes at her. In fact, Ethan wants to have sex preggo-style, so he asks Madison if he can pay her to teach him the ways of a woman's body. Annnnd, color us horrified.
Meanwhile, poor Kathy is depressed that she doesn't have any besties, so Amy decides to recite her life story for no apparent reason. Basically, she sums up the past five seasons of Secret Life in a few sentences. Unfortunately, Ams is so distracted by her sordid tale of teen pregnancy and pink sweaters, that she fails to notice her locker has been is broken into!
Amy heads home in a panic to tell Ricky that her grandma's money is missing, but it turns out Ricky has the cash in his drawer and was just testing Amy to see when she'd come clean. So crafty, yet so mysteriously studly. Damn you and your bad-boy ways, Ricky!
As much as we fear George Juergens' meat-filled world, it's time to check on Secret Life's reigning patriarch. This guy is still macking on Kathleen, but they have yet to seal the sexy deal because she's worried that George is too immature. Is this guy really ready for a relationship?
Yeah he is, ladies! Not only does George give Kathleen the most romantic speech ever, he renovates her kitchen and agrees not to have sex until she's good and ready. Unfortunately, Grace is none too happy about George being her new dad, but that's nothing a hot hookup with Jack won't fix. That's right, these two are moments away from a steamy reunion — but heads up, y'all — God frowns on Gateway Sex.
In other news, Margaret wants to throw Ricky and Amy a wedding and have them ride in on elephants in front of five hundred people. No biggie. Of course, we can't forget that Lauren and Madison are also throwing Ramy a party, which we really hope doesn't feature any flash mobbing. By the way, Madison has a new evil plan to go to college with Jack in the hopes of getting him back, to which we say "nooooooooooo!"
Before we peace out and eat some sausage, we have some good news: Grant is back! You know, Grant? That kid with the Justin Bieber hair? Turns out, he's going to graduate high school early, and we're pretty sure he wants to be a gynecologist.