Like most delicacies, Secret Life of the American Teenager should be enjoyed with a fine bottle of boxed wine or a Shirley Temple (if you're under 21 — or pregnant.) This week's episode was even more dramalicious than usual, so we suggest you sip some liquid gold and munch on some "meat scraps." Just remember to break out your "fancy sausage" — after all, it's not every day that we can celebrate Ben getting punched in the face.
Dinner Date Drama!
Remember that sexy barista named Clementine who Ricky ran into at community college? These two were foster kid besties back in the day, and now she's back and ready to stir the pot. Ricky is all about Amy and Clementine getting their bond on, so he invites Clem over for dinner at the Meat Shack with Jack and Grace (aka God's favorite couple.) Well, this won't be awkward or anything.
Grace wants nothing more than to befriend Amy (because their parents are having crazy middle-aged sexytime), but Jack isn't thrilled that he has to spend his first date with Grace hanging at Ricky's house. Honestly, we don't know why. Everything is more romantic when Ricky's chin dimples are involved.
Unfortunately, this dinner extravaganza is just as awkward as we thought it would be — especially when John sees Clementine, buries his head into Amy's shoulder, and shouts "NO!" at no one in particular. To make matters worse, Clementine can't stop bragging about how well she knows Ricky (he's taken, girl!), and once Grace, Jack, and — surprise — Adrian show up, things just get weirder and weirder. Turns out Jack slept with Clementine before going steady with Grace, and all we can say is, "Dramaaaaaaaa!"
In other news, Adrian has found herself a new man harem. This gal is more popular than ever with the college crowd, and as we know, nothing is hotter than guys in hipster glasses. Unfortunately, Adrian and Clementine are butting heads because Aids is convinced Clem will try to steal Ricky away from Amy, but eh. As long as Ricky is making out with someone, we're good to go.
He's Just, He's Just Benny From The Block
Good news, gang: Ben isn't going to jail for arson — sigh, so close! — but he's not out of the woods yet. Just a few weeks ago, Ben accused Omar of being a pervert, and poor Omar faced a full-blown school investigation. Way to ruin lives, Benny.
Luckily, the school votes in Omar's favor and everyone lives happily ever after. Not! Ben is distraught to hear that Omar wants to marry Adrian, and spirals into a pit of sausagey depression and ennui. Poor dude just wants to get married, but it's like Ben. Listen to us. You have already been married twice — please control your urges.
Unfortunately, Ben is a studly stallion that can't be tamed, and he decides Dylan is his ticket to happiness. His plan? For Dylan to fake-date Henry while he fake-dates Alice, so he can actually date Dylan. (Yes, just as complicated as it sounds.) Luckily, Alice has second thoughts about lying for Ben, so she confesses to Henry about their "friend sex," and then tells Leo all about his wayward son's plan.
As you might expect, The Sausage King is mighty displeased. In fact, Ben is one more dead horse head away from being excommunicated from the family. Poor dude seriously needs a sexy shoulder to cry on, but Henry is in no mood for bromance since finding out about Ben and Alice's rendez-do. In fact, he gets revenge on Ben by showing up at Dylan's house for an epic conversation about Filipino culture, a game of mahjong, and a goodnight kiss. There are traitors among us!
All The Single Ladies
So...for mysterious reasons that we'll never fully understand, Amy is still being allowed to "mentor" innocent preggo girls, and this week she gives Kathy a lecture about things like "friendship" and "feelings." Basically, Kathy doesn't want any gal pals and would rather spend all her time playing tonsil hockey with Ethan, but she does bond with a few ladies who mock Amy in a unexplained German accent. We give this plot our WTF seal of approval.
In other news, Ethan is falling hard for Kathy and her pregnant belly! Gone are the days when he'd send naked pictures of ladies to everyone on his phone –– Ethan is a changed man. In fact, he loves Kathy so much that he flies into a jealous rage when she invites her new besties over for a sleepover. Sadly, they don't show for a few hours, but Kathy gets a welcome surprise when Ethan pops up for a romantic hang sesh! Aww, these two. Let's just hope Ethan doesn't pull a Ben and put an underage ring on it.
Speaking of weddings, Leo's girlfriend Camille still wants to get hitched and pop out a bunch of sausage babies, and Leo's determined to change her mind by poisoning her with Ben. Not that hard, considering Ben is the poster child for Epic Fails.
Our Benny is more than a little peeved with his dad, so he decides to get revenge by telling Camille that she's too old to have kids. Obviously, Camille has no choice but to punch Ben in the eye, causing him to face-plant on the floor. We want to say we didn't LOL, but that would be a complete and utter lie. Oh, and by the way –– Leo is so aroused by the image of his girlfriend abusing his son that he pops the question then and there. Let's give them a big, sausagey congratulations!
Wanna chat with fellow Secret Life fans? Join the discussion on our Secret Life Facebook page and follow @SctLifeWetpaint on Twitter
More About Secret Life of the American Teenager
Secret Life of the American Teenager Spoilers
Secret Life of the American Teenager Season 5
Secret Life of the American Teenager Episode Guide