Credit: ABC Family Photo: Madison Gets on the Phone in Episode 4.11, "The Games We Play"

Secret Life of the American Teenager is quickly becoming the only show on TV that simultaneously makes you want to join the local abstinence club and get frisky between the sheets with a Ricky look-alike. Re-live the whacktacular happenings from the latest Secret Life installment: Season 4, Episode 11, “The Games We Play.”

It’s a Nice Day For a White Wedding!

Credit: ABC Family Photo: Amy Gives Ricky a Shoulder Rub in Episode 4.11, "The Games We Play"

Amy and Ricky may have broken up last week, but now that they’re back together, Amy wants what all normal teenagers want: A big-ass white wedding! Clearly she’s been following Kim Kardashian’s life a little too closely.

Since Amy’s original plan of proposing to Ricky was a huge, awkward failure, she decides to trick Ricky into proposing to her instead! Amy heads over to Madison’s to dish about her plans, which basically involve pampering her man so much that he’ll put a ring on it. You’d think that Amy would treat Ricky to a diet of raw hamburger and shower sex (a stud’s fave!), but no — she buys him a chocolate shake and runs him a bath. Lady, the man wants meat!

Meanwhile, Ricky spends quality time with Baby John and tells him a bedtime story about... child abuse, drugs, and alcohol. Yes, Ricky is recounting the tragic story of his life to his two-year-old, which culminates in him busting out an engagement ring and telling John he’s going to make an honest woman out of Amy at graduation! We’re so excited, we’re so excited, we’re so scared. For Baby John.

Ricky knows Amy’s trying to get herself engaged, so he decides to have a little fun and pretends that he doesn’t want to get married for five whole years. It’s like this boy hasn’t seen an episode of Friends in his life. You don’t throw someone off the scent, or else they get mad at you and hook up with Tom Selleck. Is that what you want, Ricky? Is it?!

Pizza Party

Credit: ABC Family Photo: Jesse & His Pet Parrot in Episode 4.11, "The Games We Play"

As graduation approaches, Jack has one thing on his mind: Getting lucky. He’s desperate for a gal pal — after all, it’s been months since his tearful sexy time with Madison — so he tries to convince Mad to go out with him as a favor. Madison readily agrees, but then changes her mind (girl power!), so Jack heads over to Grace’s house to ask her and Daniel on a triple date. We repeat: Grace and Daniel. Obviously, Daniel can’t take this WTF relationship, so he semi-breaks up with Grace and gets the hell out of her pink room.

Madison’s alter-ego, Lauren, is getting hot and heavy with her man, but she still doesn't want to do the nasty even though Jesse drops the L-word! Wow, this dude really, really wants to get into her panties — presumably because of her magical rendition of “Is This Love?” a few weeks ago. Lauren’s furious with Jesse for coming on too strong in the bedroom, but luckily he apologizes to her at school the next day and then they bond about their feelings next to his random pet cockatoo (more on that WTF-ness later).

Meanwhile, in the parentverse, Leo’s head over heels for Camille and George is jealous of Anne and Nora’s blossoming friendship. Pillow fight, pillow fight!

Like a Skyscraper!

Credit: ABC Family Photo: Ben Looks Surprised in Episode 4.11, "The Games We Play"

A downcast Adrian is miserable about Dante not calling her back after their game of “Find the Tattoo,” and that’s the last straw — this girl has had enough go wrong in her life! She heads over to the guidance counselor’s office and manages to land herself a seat at graduation with the rest of her class. Score!

After school, Adrian goes to Dante’s apartment to confront him about not calling her, but she’s surprised to find his brother, Omar, instead! Omar tells Adrian that Dante skipped town to backpack across Europe, but it doesn’t seem like she’s too worried. Watch out, Omar: Adrian’s on the prowl.

It looks like Adrian and Dante’s relationship isn’t the only one on the rocks in Secret Life Land. Ben and his besties Henry and Alice (aka The Cutest Couple Ever!) chat about their post-high school futures, and Henry and Alice realize that they might have to break up after graduation! You see, Alice is a straight A student destined for greatness, but Henry might not have the SAT scores to follow her. Are we the only ones who see an obvious solution to this problem? They should get pregnant and have a baby, duh! (We kid, we kid.)

Henry realizes that time apart from Alice might be just what he needs, so he accidentally breaks up with her while they’re having a talk about Henry’s sex guilt. This boy might pretend to be all broken hearted, but we all know he just wants to bang other ladies.

Tune in to an all new Secret Life next Monday to find out what happens to Henry and Alice — and who knows? Maybe Ricky will finally propose!