Summer in Secret Life land is always 98 degrees (insert boyband reference here), but an unexpected heat wave has everyone on edge!
Of course our main concern is fainting spells and over-swooning — Ricky plus a heat wave can be a fatal combination.
Come to think of it, so can Ben plus a link of sausage.
It's Getting Hot in Hurr
Ricky's in desperate need of a break from his hormonal gal-pal, so he decides to take John to the beach with
George and Robbie while Amy complains bitterly to all her friends. Unfortunately, George hates sand — so he and Ricky set up beach chairs in the Juergens' living room and have some bro-time while George wears a hilarious Hawaiian shirt.
The conversation? Whether or not Anne is gay. A question for the ages.
In other news, the crazy heat is making Amy even more catty (clearly she needs to listen to the wise words of Nelly), and Ricky's determined to turn her frown upside down.
He takes her on a date to band camp so they can re-visit that fated day when he took her virginity ... Memories!
If we've learned one thing from American Pie, it's that what happens at band camp stays at band camp, but Amy and Ricky sit down and reminisce about the good times.
Oh, and then they break out a condom for some impromptu sex! Sigh, these two. Defacing school property like it's their job.
Meanwhile, Lauren finally forgives Madison for sleeping with Jesse, but the problem? She still doesn't want to be friends. Poor Mads has no one to turn to but Henry, so they kiss in a fit of sexy passion.
Fear not, they don't sleep together because it's too hot outside, but considering that Henry has a fetish for sweaty girls (his words), it's only a matter of time.
HRH Ben Boykewich and his crush, Dylan, still aren't allowed to date (sad face), so she and her besties fake-enroll in summer school!
Hooray, now Ben will finally be able to live out his dreams of being an abstinent two-time divorcee. The only catch? Dylan's pretending to be Ben's cousin, and counselor Katelyn catches them making out in the hallway.
Luckily, The Sausage King has Ben's back, and finally decides to let him date Dylan — as long as Ben's willing to pay for any mistakes (read: babies) he makes.
Meanwhile, Grace is having a hard time adjusting to the fact that she has a secret half brother named Jacob. It's like, first she killed her dad with the power of her loins, then she found out he was cheating on her mom, and now she has a brother?
How much more can one Cookie Monster take? To make matters worse, Kathleen enrolls Jacob in summer school, which pretty much sends Grace into a tailspin.
Her only comfort is Adrian (and the color pink, duh), but Aids takes Jacob's side because they were both raised by single parents. Poor Grace. Times like these call for a box of Nestle.
Elsewhere in rentie-ville, Anne and Ashley decide to get away from all the drama by taking a vaycay to France, and George is lonelier than ever.
He needs human contact (his labrador isn't doing it for him anymore), so he invites Kathleen over for a relaxing hang sesh by his fake beach, and they have an entire conversation about whether or not Anne is gay.
Does it really matter George? Either way she's not going to date you!
In other news, Betty visits Nora at Leo's office and reveals that she's in school for anthropology — or as she says "the study of man." Pretty sure she already majored in that when she was hookin' on the streets back in the '90s, but we'll go with it.
Betty's super psyched about going to school, and she even tries to get Nora to enroll with her! Could this be the start of a beautiful friendship? Let's hope so, because Betty definitely brings the Secret Life LOLs!
Ready to drop your jaw in a fit of WTF shock? Grace is traumatized by this whole Jacob sitch, so she does what any normal girl would do. Strips off all her clothes and settles down for some real talk with her ex-boyfriend.
And it only gets better! After Jack leaves (bitter and alone, per usual), Adrian shows up, proceeds to strip off her clothes, and joins Grace on the couch!
It's like we've gone four seasons without so much as an on-screen makeout session, and now everyone's getting naked? Oh, Secret Life. How we love you.