Santa’s making his list and checking it twice, and this year he wants us to find out which Secret Lifers are naughty or nice!
Done and done. We’ve rounded up our favorite sex-addicts and grouped them into two lists: Those who are getting a handout from the big man, and those who are stuck with a lump of coal in their stocking. Check it out!
Ben: Surprised to see your beloved sausage boy top the naughty list this year? What did you expect? Benny spent most of this season yelling at Adrian, drinking alone on park benches and complaining. Oh, and then there was the time that he ruined Nora’s sober streak after she hung out with him for just a few hours. Ben Boykewich: Driving middle-aged ladies to alcoholism one drink at a time.
Jack: Despite the fact that he’s a bit of a creeper (and we’re pretty sure he’s crushing on Mrs. Bowman), we love Jack with all our hearts. After all, he cries during the deed — so cute! So why did he land on our naughty list? Santa doesn’t approve of boys who partake in graduation orgies and then mack on their ex-girlfriend the morning after.
Grace: This girl might be a pink sweater-wearing goody-two-shoes, but she doesn’t have us fooled. Grace has cheated on almost all her boy toys — and most recently she sucked face with Jack even though she was still dating Daniel. Sorry, Grace, but Santa isn’t leaving any cookies in your stocking this year, and his elves think you’re “easy.”
Madison: Mads committed a major friend fail when she did the dirty with Jesse, Lauren’s boyfriend (you know, the one who talks to cockatoos?). Madison has no excuse for sleeping with her bestie’s man, and she’ll reap the repercussions this holiday season when she gets a gigantic lump of coal in her stocking. Yep, Santa’s giving her a big ol’ eff you.
Ricky: Someone is about to get his wings! Ricky started off as Secret Life’s resident bad-boy, but oh, how times have changed. Now he’s a do-gooder who wants to settle down and get married. We expect him to save a life any day now.
Amy: Poor Amy has had such a traumatizing year full of make-ups and break-ups, that we’re only putting her on this list in the hopes that Santa gets her a six-pack of Red Bull just to cheer her up.
Ashley: The only reason Ashley is up in here is because we have no proof that she’s done anything naughty this year. In fact, we have no proof that she’s even alive. RIP?
Adrian: This feisty bad-girl’s spot on the nice list might come as a surprise, but think about it: Other than her short-lived stalkage of Ricky, Adrian has pretty much kept to herself this season. And considering that she spent all year twenty pounds overweight and addicted to churros, the least Santa can do is hand her a candy cane and a treadmill.