There’s something frighteningly prophetic about the title of tonight’s episode of The Vampire Diaries. Think about it: Elena almost died; ditto for Damon, Stefan, Tyler, Mrs. Lockwood, Caroline, Matt, and Aunt Jenna. Actually it would be easier to name who didn’t almost bite the big one tonight. But that’s just one of the hot topics we’re debating. Here are 10 other you-must-be-kidding talking points about “The Last Day.”
10. Damon force-feeds Elena blood.
We feared sulking Damon might force himself upon Elena one day. Little did we know it would be like this. After the bad boy Salvatore realizes that Elena has committed to sacrificing herself to Klaus, he bites open a vein, grabs her head, and presses his wrist against her mouth. “You’re so dead-set on dying. At least this way I know you’ll come back,” Damon says. Of course he’s overlooking the major flaw in his plan — which Elijah doesn’t hesitate to point out. “She’ll never forgive you,” the O.V. (original vampire) warns. “And never, for a vampire, is a very long time.”
9. The brothers brawl. Again.
Crushing on your brother’s girl is one thing. Forcing her to drink from your vein is another. When Stefan hears the commotion up in Damon’s room he rushes in to stop his big bro. But it’s too late. The Salvatore blood is in Elena’s system. And the rumble is on. Fists fly. Furniture is broken. The brothers fight as if to the death, stopping only when Damon, who has been knocked to the floor, stabs Stefan in the gut.
8. Tyler Lockwood returns.
Too bad the warlock Klaus hired tricked Tyler into doing so. How? Klaus’s manwitch compelled Mrs. Lockwood to call her son, begging him to return. “I’m in the hospital,” she says, then she turned to the witch. “Why’d I say that?” she asks. “Because you had a terrible fall,” he replies as he telepathically throws her over the banister. Tyler knows none of this. Just like he has no clue that he’s about to become one of the main ingredients in a how-to-lift-a-curse stew. Welcome home, Ty.
7. Stefan and Elena go for a hike.
In an episode as dramatic as this, we should let this go. But we can’t. After Elena learns that she’s going to wake up undead, Stefan takes her for a walk into the woods to give her a chance to discuss how she feels about vampirism. To celebrate her last day as a human he wants to show her something special. That something turns out to be the beautiful waterfalls after which Mystic Falls is no doubt named. Really Stefan? In a nature-loving town like Mystic Falls there is no way this 17-year-old did not know those falls existed. Just saying.
6. Tyler and Caroline bond.
Apparently nothing heals old wounds like sharing the experience of getting jumped in a hospital parking lot and waking up chained to a cellar wall. That’s what happens to Caroline and Ty just as he’s preparing to slip back out of town. Klaus plans to sacrifice them both during his spell-breaking ritual.
5. Matt comes to the rescue.
Just when we thought Blondie’s busboy might tap out of their relationship, he started to truly care again. When Caroline didn’t come back to meet him on his break, Matt grabbed a gun and followed Damon into the woods, figuring the vampire had something to do with her disappearance. He figured wrong. But got lucky anyway. Klaus’s warlock attacked Damon as the vampire was about to free Tyler and Caroline from the cellar. And just as the warlock was about to deal a death blow, Matt stepped out of the shadows and shot him. Go, Matt.
4. Doc Martin’s long lost daughter makes an appearance.
Remember the second witch in the Klaus posse? Turns out that’s Lucas’ sister, a.k.a. Doc Martin’s kidnapped daughter. Also turns out she kind of likes hanging with the O.V. crew. When Elena tells her that Luka and his dad were looking for her, the witch says, “They were wasting their time. I wasn’t lost.”
3. Stefan just gives Elena to Klaus.
Yes, it was a teary, romantic moment full of heart-tugging I-love-yous. But we pray to the TV-writing powers that be that there’s a loopety-loop to this plan — some secret mission behind Stefan’s wimpy submission. Otherwise we’ll have to give Stefan the Super-Wuss Crown for just closing his eyes and allowing the love of his life to walk over to Klaus without putting up a fight.
2. Klaus turns Aunt Jenna.
Oh, yeah. We mean that kind of turned. Apparently the evilest of evil originals had a backup plan for his backup plan. And when Damon freed Caroline and managed to render himself useless in the sacrificial ritual at the same time (more on that in a sec), Klaus decided to make a new vampire. And just to be evil about it, he chose Aunt Jenna. As if she hasn’t been through enough already. Say it with us now, “Poor, poor Aunt Jenna.”
1. Damon is doomed.
And not just because he forced himself on Elena. Remember how Tyler started turning minutes after Damon freed him and the vampire had to fight the werewolf off? Well, their wrestling match wasn’t so innocent and one of those times that Ty snapped at D, he actually made contact. And we all know what a werewolf bite does to a vampire.
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