Do you ever wake up at night in a fevered panic and fear that Shakira was attacked by a deranged sea lion? Because she was. And it was traumatizing.

Apparently, this world-famous gyrater was on vacation in Cape Town, South Africa, when she decided to bond with a fleet of sea lions.

According to her Facebook, Shak was "doing a baby talk while taking pictures" (as ya do), when one of her sea lion friends decided to eat her. Little dude leapt out of the water, and "looked [Shakira] in the eye, roared in a fury and tried to bite me."

Um, consider us horrified.

"Everyone there screamed, including me," Shakira explained. "I was paralyzed by fear and couldn't move, I just kept eye contact with it while my brother 'Super Tony' jumped over me and literally saved my life, taking me away from the beast."

Turns out Shakira suffered a few scrapes to her hands and feet, but harbors no ill-will toward her attempted murderer. "I believe what happened is that it confused the shiny reflection of the blackberry I was taking these pics with, with some sort of fish," she said. "It probably thought I was teasing it with food and then taking it away from it."

OMG, Shakira is basically a sea lion whisperer. Bow down.

Source: Facebook