Every week on Dancing with the Stars, someone steals the show with an embarrassment of riches in the quote department. Niecy Nash started DWTS Movie Night by proving she was indeed a comedienne and not just a walking message board for deep thoughts on social issues. This week was also Kate Gosselin's chance to play educator — shedding light on the plight of 35-year-old shut-ins with no knowledge of The Breakfast Club or the swim dance move. Kate's such an altruist.
10.The Niecy Show: I'm What?
Reacting to Len Goodman’s criticism of her “spiritual” Rumba: “Boring? Oh. Huh! Nobody calls me boring.”
9. The Niecy Show: Imma Settle Down
Louis van Amstel, growing impatient: “You wear yourself out, you know that, right?” Niecy: “With my hijinks, huh? My shenanigans, my tomfoolery, my shuckin’ and jiving, my mayhem and foolishness, my carrying on and cutting up? Imma settle down.” 8. The Niecy Show: Feed Me, America!
Niecy in the Celebriquarium, to the camera: “Let me just tell you on behalf of thick girls everywhere, y’all need to vote for me. I’m tired and I’m hungry. That was a lot.”
7. Hot chicks breaking things naked?
Pam discovers there actually are movies starring women with big maracas that are not technically porn. Pam confided, “I was really worried when they were going to give me a movie ‘cause I’m more of a Fellini/Russ Meyer type girl — hot chicks breaking things naked. And then they gave me Nine to Five, which was perfect.” Tip: You shouldn't break things when you're naked, Pam. Too many opportunities to get glass in awkward places. Safety first.
6. It’s not your looks, it’s your psycho intensity, Jake!
Jake: “I’ve been told that I look like Tom Cruise, but I don’t see it at all. But it’s definitely a compliment.” Obviously, ripped blond Jake doesn’t look at all like Tom, but he has the same megawatt smile, overly earnest "LIKE ME, PLEASE LIKE ME!" intensity, and the crazed ferret jump-on-a-couch guffaw. It’s not too much of a compliment, Jake.
5. Erin explains her chemistry with Maks
Everything about Erin & Maks is cute, from Erin’s attempt at copying his accent to Maks throwing a tantrum after Erin (once again) pushed just the right buttons with Maks. Erin quipped, “He and I are a scientific experiment. We’re a bunch of chemicals. Someday they mix, someday they explode.” If high school chemistry were this adorable, we’d all be MIT grads.
4. But you’re playing a hooker…
Nicole on Pretty Woman: “I can relate to this movie…” Hmmm… She may have meant shopping at expensive stores when you don’t look like you have the money, but it’s an interesting choice of words for our little Pussycat Doll.
3. You’ve seriously never seen The Breakfast Club?
Kate, proving again that she’s a 90-year-old shut-in with no sense of humor, gave Tony the three-heads look when he illustrated a swim dance move for their Breakfast Club dance to “Don’t You (Forget About Me).” Kate, stone faced: “Are we swimming or are we dancing?” Tony explained that it’s a dance move from the movie. Kate to the camera: “Sounds like an odd combination to me, but whatever works for him.” For him? Don’t do Tony any favors now, Kate. By the way, who Foxtrots to The Breakfast Club? Producers, please stop making Tony’s job even more difficult than it already is.
2. That's an understatement
For a brief moment, captured in time, Kate actually listened to one of Tony’s Foxtrot instructions. Kate: “Isn’t it fun when you tell me to do something and I actually do it?” Tony: “You have no idea!” We do have an inkling, though.
1. It don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that bling
Brooke was not letting Erin and Maks leave that Celebriquarium without a definitive answer to the are-they/aren’t-they issue. Brooke, sounding close to panic, probably because a producer was shouting in her earpiece to get something on the record: “Is love in the air or is it not in the air here at Dancing with the Stars? Romance 101.” Erin: “Not until he gives me a ring like Chad got Cheryl. Are you joking?” Now that she’s said that, we bet Chad will get her some bling.