This is less "Oh, Snap" than "Oh, Sob" but we're sappy and we're going with it. When Jennifer Grey is first told she and Derek Hough will be dancing to "These Arms of Mine," she's excited. The song was featured in Dirty Dancing, her famous film with the late Patrick Swayze. Jennifer: "And then in one second it really like took me back, almost like in a time capsule, and I was with Patrick. I just missed him and I just realized just how fast time goes." She starts crying — sobbing, really. She tells Derek that Patrick was young and gorgeous like him and his death last year from cancer really freaked her out. Jennifer: "Patrick was one of the most fearless people I’d ever met. So I’m going to try really hard to go out there and be the kind of person that he was." Jennifer completely gives herself to the Viennese Waltz and Derek sings along as he glides with her, just as graceful and attractive as Patrick in his prime. It's a beautiful moment and it brings Carrie Ann to tears. We got a bit of stardust in our eyes too.
This is the girl who warned us she would be more modest and conservative than most dancers on the show. If Bristol Palin were just talking about slinky former DWTS pro Edyta Sliwinska, she'd have a point. But after starting her Cha-Cha-Cha in a suit with her hair up, she quickly rips off her homage to her conservative mother, takes down her hair, reveals a tight, fire engine red mini, and frees herself from all the baggage we expected her to carry. Good for her.
4. Len & Bruno attack The Situation
Maybe they're just big Pauly D fans? Judges Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli have no sympathy for Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino's situation as a latecomer to the show because of Jersey Shore. Len did say he had potential; he's young and fit, he's just under-rehearsed. The Situation tells Len: "Did I tell you you've got a nice suit on?" And here's Len's great response: "Did I tell you you've got the guns but not the ammunition?" (That's the kind of line all "grenades" should throw back to The Situation on the Shore.) Bruno doesn't even call him The Situation, preferring to get a little frosty with the ab master. Bruno: "Michael, Michael, bad start. You're going to look like a jackass if you carry on like that." At this point, The Situation's partner, Karina Smirnoff, looks a little shocked. Bruno: "There is something, there is a spark there somewhere. A very, very faint thing that may or may not be talent. Only time will tell..." Hey, he wasn't that bad!
Speaking of that bad ... we've had nightmares since The Hoff's performance. Something about a man in a dark, shiny suit doing creepy hip thrusts. Thanks, Hoff! We're with Len, who hides his head after David Hasselhoff's "Sex Bomb" Cha-Cha-Cha with Kym Johnson. Len: "It’s never too early to panic." As judge Carrie Ann Inaba puts it: "Somehow you reminded me of the offspring of Donny Osmond and Jerry Springer." The Hoff actually seems surprised by this. Carrie Ann: "You dance with your mouth more than you dance with your body. I can tell it felt very sexy to you, but …" Bruno loves when things go over the top, so leave it to him to appreciate the Liberace sparkles. But that's all he loved. Bruno: "It was like a potpourri of insanity disguised as dance." The Hoff doesn't quite know what to make of being called "potpourri," but he knows a score of 15 is 15 points lower than what he wanted. Can you imagine a perfect score for that dance? Shudder. 2. Mama Brady Smackdown!
First she flashes her torso at us — bra and all — ala The Situation's constant ab flashes. Then she flirts with Bruno. Then she throws a verbal jab at Len. Florence Henderson is indeed this season's Cloris Leachman — she's just a teeny bit classier. For now. However, she does seem to have it in for Len. It may have started because of Len's backhanded compliment. He wanted to say something to Florence's partner, Corky Ballas, and added that it did not reflect on Flo. Len: "It's quite easy to make a young, fit girl dance well but what you've done with Florence is incredible." That is kind of a dis and of course it reflects on Flo. She is fit. Didn't he see her abs? In the Celebriquarium, Florence gives advice on quality aging. Florence: "You just have to enjoy every day. … Stay interested. Stay interesting. Don’t be boring. Okay, Len?" Cut to Len, smiling at the judges' table. Host Tom Bergeron seems more shocked than anyone. Tom: “Was that a Mama Brady smackdown? What was that?” Yes, that was Mama Brady proving her wit is young and fit, even if her body has aged a touch.