Credit: HBO Photo: Eric Northman in Sunlight Episode 4.04 Still

If there’s one good thing that’s come out of Eric’s amnesia (other than his love of mid-morning swimming, which was the Best. Thing. Ever.), it’s that his one-liners are even more out of this world than usual. Eric’s dialogue in “I’m Alive and On Fire” rivaled Lafayette’s!

Check out the top 10 quotes from True Blood season 4, episode 4 — not going to lie, most of these are courtesy of Mr. Northman.

1. Eric’s wasted: “You have a beautiful butt.”

We’ll just go ahead and pretend he was talking to us.

2. Eric turns on the wistful charm: “I’ll never swim in the sun again. Never feel the heat on my skin. Never see the daylight in your hair.”

We like Eric 2.0 way better than the original.

3. Eric tries to get himself a fairy smooch: “If you kiss me, I promise to be happy.”

That’s reason enough for us!

Credit: HBO Photo: Bill Compton and Caroline Bellefleur Episode 4.04 Still

4. Bill realizes he’s way closer to his family than he ever thought: “You’re my great-great-great-great-granddaughter.”

Hotshot-style.

5. Becky threatens to destroy Jason’s most important asset: “I’ll cut off your thing if you put up a fight.”

Nooooooooooooo!

6. Eric blows our minds: “Hey Sookie! Where’ve you been? Come, come play with me, it’s wonderful here. I am Ægir God Of The See, and you are Rán, my sea goddess!”

No words.

7. Eric takes on imaginary river monsters: “Gators, Crocodiles, show yourself! Cowards!”

Go get ‘em, cowboy.

Credit: HBO Photo: Eric and Sookie Episode 4.04 Still

8. Eric needs some tender love: “Sookie, I hurt.”

Someone needs a foot bath.

9. Sam reveals his favorite hobby: “Which Barbie do I get? I hope she has a bunch of pretty dresses.”

If there’s one thing we’ve learned from True Blood, it’s don’t trust dolls.

10. Pam gets frustrated when Marnie can’t find her glasses: “Are you f**king retarded?”

Oh, Pam. Always so politically correct.