Credit: John P. Johnson/HBO Photo: Lafayette Rocks a Mohawk in Episode 4.01, "She's Not There"

We’ve learned all kinds of life lessons from watching True Blood — for example, long white nightgowns are back in fashion. Don’t believe us? Sookie lost her V-card in one and now she has two sexy vampires and one beefed-up werewolf fighting for her. Girlfriend knows what’s up.

Soak up some valuable words of wisdom with 20 things we’ve learned the premiere of True Blood Season 4!

1. Never, under any circumstances, assume that your pets are actually dead.

2. Beanbag chairs are back in.

3. Tinkerbell is sooooo not an accurate representation of fairies.

4. If someone tells you to jump into a boiling pit of lava, definitely do it.

5. Don’t attend a seance unless you want to hang out with a bunch of crazy hippies.

6. If you find your baby decapitating dolls, it’s probably evil.

7. Hoyt may or may not have salmonella poisoning.

8. Tara is totally capable of kicking ass.

9. Don’t ever say “I’ll be right back” if you’re going to be gone for 20 years.

Credit: John P. Johnson/HBO Photo: Sookie Stackhouse in Episode 4.01, "She's Not There"

10. The song “Wild Horses” has a whole new meaning.

11. If you think someone’s straight, they’re probably gay.

12. It’s totally normal to dress up in your sluttiest red lingerie when you’re planning an innocent night in by yourself.

13. The soul patch it not a friend to Jason Stackhouse.

14. Eric’s v-neck tank tops are even lower cut than we ever thought possible.

Credit: John P. Johnson/HBO Photo: Eric Behind The Bar in Episode 4.01: "She's Not There"

15. A beaded curtain is totally capable of rectifying a sketchy situation.

16. Sam’s hair is a few centimeters short of being a fashion fail.

17. Inbred children love themselves some hot dogs and pork n’ beans.

18. So many people hate Bill that he has an entire fleet of body guards to protect him.

19. When crazy people try to give you imaginary flowers, GTFO.

20. It’s really awkward when your ex-boyfriend becomes King.

Tune in next week for more words of wisdom courtesy of True Blood!