We’ve learned all kinds of life lessons from watching True Blood — for example, next time you want to go tanning, just yell “THE SUNNNNNN” at the top of your lungs.
Soak up some valuable words of wisdom with 20 things we’ve learned from Sunday’s True Blood episode!
1. Next time you’re stuck in an awkward social situation, just make a sloppy joe.
2. Note to self: Bring deer blood to next fraternity rush party.
3. Never play Plants vs. Zombies on your iPad at work.
4. Werewolves can smell sex.
5. In your face, Harry Potter — cool witches don’t need broomsticks to fly.
6. Apparently, giant pregnant women love doing the nasty.
7. If a creepy old man whispers something to you in Spanish, he’s probably just saying: “You have the magic.”
8. Having sex in a bed is so 2010.
9. If you see a drunk lady wandering down the road, it’s just Tara on one of her weekly benders.
10. True Blood has officially eliminated the need for pornography.
11. In Bon Temps, chaining your daughter to a bed is a measure of how much you love her.
12. If you start screaming and crying at the top of your lungs right outside a restaurant, no one will notice you.
13. Chaining someone to a bed isn’t as sexy as we thought it might be.
14. The best boyfriends are those who have no idea who they are.
15. If any of your friends develop a mysterious accent, they are most likely possessed.
16. On sale flowers are a deal breaker.
17. When witches are around, it gets really windy.
18. Potheads aren’t spiritual.
19. If you accidentally cut your arm, a ghost might take it the wrong way and fly into your body.
20. Never, ever get a chemical peel.