We’ve learned all kinds of life lessons from watching True Blood — for example, when you’re rescued from a circle of fire, the first thing you should check is your hair for scorched ends.
Soak up some valuable words of wisdom with 20 things we’ve learned from Sunday’s penultimate True Blood episode!
1. Puddles of blood show the future.
2. Always check for Vintage Cartier before you kill someone.
3. Most people in Bon Temps have multiple personalities.
4. If someone tells you that you smell like a vampire, they want to have sex with you.
5. Punching kills. If you’re Alcide.
6. If your boyfriend starts licking blood from a dead girl’s chest, worry.
7. Fancy scarves come in handy during an exorcism.
8. Wear leather all the time.
9. If you want to turn into a brujo, just grab some herbs from the spice rack.
10. Next time you want someone to make a promise, make them swear on your light-up finger.
11. Heart valves make excellent straws.
12. If you find a bald man wandering through the woods talking to himself, don’t have sex with him.
13. When you’re sacrificing your life for someone, make sure to look into their eyes so they feel extra guilty.
14. Jesus is willing to die for our sins.
16. Public sex is completely legal in Bon Temps.
17. There are a great many dangers in the woods. Mirella says so.
18. Must. Buy. Leopard sheets.
19. Fairies are stronger than witches.
20. If your boyfriend rips someone’s heart out and drinks from it like a juice box, it might be time to break up with him.