We’ve learned all kinds of life lessons from watching True Blood — for example, when you’re rescued from a circle of fire, the first thing you should check is your hair for scorched ends.
Soak up some valuable words of wisdom with 20 things we’ve learned from Sunday’s penultimate True Blood episode!
1. Red Riding Hood capes make a great sex blanket.
2. Always carry a salt shaker and some human hair in your purse in case you need to do an impromptu ritual.
3. Egg-covered forks make an excellent shiv.
4. Dressing your kid up as Jenelle from Teen Mom 2 is great parenting.
5. Weed is nature’s Valium.
6. If you come across a hole in some cement, the logical conclusion is that a vampire used to live there.
7. If your boyfriend kills your daughter’s father, she probably won’t care.
8. Note to self: Do not tell best friend that you’re banging his gal doggy style.
9. Pig fat is the secret ingredient to all good food.
10. It’s perfectly acceptable for adults to play Pokemon.
11. Fairy vaginas have super powers.
12. If you need to exorcise someone, just reach your arm all the way down their throat and pull out the ghost.
13. If you break up with two men at once, they’ll probably just fall in love with each other.
14. If someone offers you a “pork rind pie” say no.
15. If you want to impress a pretty lady, just tell her you’re addicted to vampire blood.
16. After you break up with both your boyfriends, you should probably sob hysterically right outside their front door.
17. If someone asks you for your magical powers, just turn on a fan, stick your finger down your throat and vomit. Works every time.
18. If your boyfriend’s brother dies tragically, the best response is to make out with him.
19. Always keep an extra set of silk pajamas in your closet in case you have a really tall Viking show up for a sleepover.
20. Stay indoors on Halloween.