Credit: HBO Photo: STILL: Jason in bed with Jessica in 4.05

We’ve learned all kinds of life lessons from watching True Blood — for example, snakes are the gateway to the spirit world.

Soak up some valuable words of wisdom with 20 things we’ve learned from Sunday, July 31's True Blood episode!


1. If you’re having a panic attack, just check out a hot babe’s cleavage.

2. If you’re ugly, hide under a sheet.

3. It’s really best to keep one’s “Tru Death” spear encased in purple velvet.

4. If you don’t travel the world “killing, f*cking and laughing” with your dad, there’s something wrong with your relationship.


Credit: HBO Photo: Arlene's Baby Mikey Episode 4.04 Still

5. Your kid’s imaginary friend wants to kill you.

6. If your house bursts on fire, save the armadillo.

7. “V” gives you the power to lift lazy boy arm chairs.

8. Gell the hell out if a huge pregnant woman serves you a goat tongue.

9. Always sleep with a revolver underneath your leopard-print pillow.

10. Smoking isn’t bad for you if you’re doing it under a false identity.

Credit: HBO Photo: STILL: Tommy as Sam in Episode 4.06

11. If you want to get laid, just morph into your brother and bang his girlfriend.

12. If a cute animal comes up to you, you should probably sacrifice it.

13. Never go to church again. Ever.

14. If you go outside during a full moon, you’re likely to find werewolves, vampires and hot naked people having sex.

15. If your girlfriend is hooking up with a Viking, pop in some Neko Case and stare forlornly at the moon.

16. Never accidentally scratch yourself, you might get possessed.

Credit: HBO Photo: STILL: Marnie possessed in episode 4.06

17. Crazy witch makes delish jail food.

18. If you can’t find your little brother, grab a revolver and head into the nearest forest.

19. If you’re “extra good” at sex, don’t be ashamed of it. You can’t run from what’s inside you.

20. Tio Luca is here.