True Blood Season 6, Episode 8: "Dead Meat" opens right where we left off: Nora is dead, and is Eric is displeased. Bill tries to pull Eric out of his grief, reminding him that they still have work to do together. Eric is all “f**k off Bill, you still like Sookie, loser” is which less of a summary than it sounds like. That's basically what he says. Then Bill uses his mind-control to fly Eric around the room and mocks Godric. Good times abound.

At Alcide’s pack, the ladies are all kind of uprising because Daddy A swore he killed Nicole and her mom, but really he lied. Rikki ups the ante and challenge’s Alcide to a battle to the death. She knows she won’t win but she also knows Alcide lacks the stones to actually kill her. She is correct, and Alcide's authority is officially undermined.

Nora may not have made it out of last week alive, but Jason did if just barely. He has been locked in with the lady-vampires, and while Tara protected him, Violet lets him know that he is officially her b***h, and it is much less sexy than you’d think.

Sookie and Warlow are still hanging out in an alternate faerie realm. Sookie asks Warlow to help her assist Bill in freeing their friends from Vamp Camp. Warlow agrees contingent upon Sookie uh, Marrying Him For All Time. She agrees, but is mightily annoyed. Eric has also been spying on Sookie’s comings and goings and knows Warlow is locked up in a nearby dimension.

Jessica and The Longed Haired James are enjoying some afterglow time in Vamp Camp. They get all Romeo and Juliet and fatalistic about their time together. Then they're separated. It’s all very tragic. Jessica passes Pam en route back to holding, where she learns Pam has been boffing her shrink because that woman knows how to take care of business. James, he of the Long Hair, feels bad for Steve Newlin’s stories of middle school torment and so shares the “don’t drink the True Blood” story with him. I, for one, am glad. Steve Newlin entertains me.

Sam, because of his passion for being sad, has decided to clean out Terry’s locker. He gets weepy and then bumps into Alcide as he goes to the dumpster to destroy the aforementioned locker contents. Alcide is returning Nicole and her mother, and lets Sam know he has left his pack. Sam offers him cold beer. Sam tries to make things right with Nicole’s mom, who is pissed, and for good reason. She tottles off to dreamland while Sam and Nicole have a romantic hug and check-in. Sam sniffs her, prrrrobably figuring out that the werewolf bite has turned her. Only I am wrong! When Sam and Alcide go to have a drink, they discuss the fact that they can smell Nicole’s PREGNANCY! AHHHH! Sam is going to be a daddy.

Sookie goes home to take one of the eight hundred showers the show captures her indulging in. She’s having some weird feelings about how possessive and Nightmare On Elm Street-like Warlow is. Sookie goes to have her pow wow with Bill and he details his plan for Warlow’s blood. Sookie tells Bill that Warlow wants her to be his forever-bride, and she is upset about it. Bill is nonplussed by this news, and that makes Sookie sad in her heart-meats.

In Vamp Camp, the girls enlist Pam to reasons with the crazy lady who is holding Jason and his yummy blood and yummier body hostage. Violet has no time for it, and continues to feast upon him. Jason fears he's going to be raped, which insults his captor, who lets him know that one day they will bang, and it will be because he wants it. Hilarious.


Arlene is still grief-stricken, but she's less drunk than last week. She's surrounded by Lafayette, Holly, Andy, and his two-week ol’ daughter. I'm glad Lafayette is being so cool about what a hateful bigot Arlene was to him last week. They eat some breakfast and Lafayette drops the knowledge about what he and Sookie found out about Terry’s life insurance policy and how the whole death was probably planned. As Arlene quietly stews about the various stresses in Terry’s life leading up to his death, Adilyn hears her own name and gets very upset. Holly sends her delinquent sons over to cheer her up with alcohol.

When Sarah Newlin learns that some of the vamps aren’t drinking the Tru Blood, Sarah interrogates the truth out of poor ol’ tormented Steve Newlin. But it doesn’t save him! As I gasp in shock, both Steve and Long Haired Sexy James GET KILLED I GUESS? AHHHHH! Just think. All that beautiful hair gone to waste. Ah, but not yet — they are just being held in the infamous round white room, where Jessica, Pam, Willa, and Tara eventually join them to wait for the sun.

Sam has decided to ask Nicole to stay with him in Bon Temps, and before she can answer, really, Sookie interrupts Sam TO HAVE A PRIVATE SEXY MOMENT WITH HIM. Ugh, I can’t even. Sookie has no sense of timing and chemistry with every person on this show. She tells Sam about her special ball of faerie light and how she wants to throw everything away and be with him. Then Sam basically weeps and is like “I GOT A GIRL PREGNANT, JERK”.

The familia Bellefleur has gathered at the funeral parlor to plan Terry’s funeral. Terry’s fam wants him to have a twenty-one gun salute, and this makes Arlene freak out because of how insensitive and terrible they all are — it’s Arlene at her fiery finest and I love it. So does Andy, who follows her out of general discomfort. He gets outside just in time for Arlene to tell him that she knows who off’ed Terry. But Andy talks her back from the edge, saying that if he locks the dude up, only the insurance company wins. Andy and Holly win on that, and Arlene gets the funeral she wants for Terry — black preacher, carnations, and all.

Then, at the Vamp Camp, Sarah Newlin bludgeons the Tru Blood factory representative with a stiletto it what ranks as the funniest and most violent fight scene maybe...ever?

Sookie gives a monologue at her folks’ grave about how she would rather be an uber-vampire than be in a grave next to them. She hurls flowers at their grave and struts away. Then she calls Bill and tells him that she accepts — I guess it’s goodbye mortal Sookie? She dolls herself up and waits for Bill to pick her up.  

To close the episode, Eric makes an appearance, glamoring Holly’s delinquent sons, and quietly abducting and sucking Adilyn. She escapes and Andy finds her, but the blood Eric got was just enough for him to flee to the faerie realm and mess with Warlow! This is not good. Nothing is good. I weep for the future. And also I am excited for it? SO MANY EMOTIONS! What are yours? Share ‘em in the comments.

Catch the next episode of True Blood on Sunday, August 11 at 9 p.m. EST on HBO.

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