With Terry’s death an all-too-recent memory and Sookie’s promise to marry Warlow in exchange for his blood to free all her vampire friends, the stakes were ultra high at the beginning of True Blood Season 6, Episode 9: “Life Matters.” Let’s bite down hard on this episode and drain every last drop as we go over what you might have missed.
Ah, Sookie. All dolled up with no dude to bone. Sookie and Bill have retreated to the faerie realm to collect Warlow and give Sookie to him in matrimony. The only hitch? Eric has drained the dude to near death. Because Eric is the Iggy Pop of drinking the blood of other immortal entities. Warlow is revived with help from Sookie, and does not take kindly to Bill being so bossy and urges Sookie to faerie-light-blast Bill back the less glowing version of Bon Temps. She is happy to oblige.Eric is wandering around in the daylight and it is deeply unsettling. Being Eric, he leaves a shocked trail of corpses in his wake, all the better for a peeved Bill to follow him. (Hansel and Gretel is dark on this show.) At Vamp Camp, Eric removes an evil doctor’s privates and fannies about the camp to save his friends and free all of the other vampires. All the other vampires, except one dude dying of Hep V. Eric (poorly) breaks the news of his impending demise to the dying vamp’s young progeny.
Time to put on your crying pants: It’s Terry’s funeral. Oh hey, look, it’s Tara’s overbearing mom, all being hooked up with the minister and what not. Even Sookie gets in on the sad times, ditching the faerie realm to attend the funeral. Warlow is ambivalent about this because he wants to talk about their relationship. Sookie promises him she will be with him forever. Pleased by this because he is needy, he sexily heals Sookie’s arm and sends her off to the funeral, though he is definitely in the doldrums. Sigh.
The funeral is a bit of a womp, but everyone looks pretty solid in their mourning clothes. Andy gives a touching speech, and there is a flashback to totally PTSDing Terry. Sam speaks, and doesn’t say much, but he looks good in a tie. When Lafayette gets up to speak, he flirts with the marines present for Terry’s sendoff, looks amazing, and tells a hilarious story about making Terry cha-cha while teaching him to make fries. After Portia’s snooze-worthy speech, Sookie eulogizes him by revealing that she is telepathic, telling a tear-jerker story about Terry’s first thoughts about Arlene. Aww! Sobbing ensues, and finally, Arlene speaks, revealing that Terry was secretly some sort of Zen Buddha. So many feelings. Oh, and by the way, Alcide shows up, looks scruffy, yet dapper, and the recently-returned Mrs. Fortenberry makes some gross comments about his aroma being “manly.” Awkward alert! He does get close to Sookie, though, and we’re not mad about that. (But wait, what about Warlow?)
Back at Vamp Camp, Bill tottles along, trying to catch up to Eric. He stumbles across the ball-less, dying doctor, gets directions towards Eric, and upon learning that this doc was cruel to Jessica, stomps his face in, Ryan-Gosing-in-Drive style. Bill continues Eric hunting, pausing along the way to be vaguely disturbed by all of the vampires torturing their captors in unique ways rather than escaping.
Eric makes his way to the ladies’ ward of the prison where he finds a blood-drained Jason, then heals him so that he will have a guide in the camp. Annoyingly, though all of the other humans have apparently been killed, Sarah Newlin is still alive and scampering around. Eric toys with the psychiatrist, who taunts him by admitting that he f—ked Pam. Eric rips out the dude’s glamour-lenses to the get the skinny. Being awesome, Eric is all “I ain’t gonna kill you — Pam is, you awful creature.” Eric is basically the world’s best feminist.
In the end, Bill finally triumphs! Sarah Newlin climbs to the top of the oil tanker/Vamp Camp spewing scripture and unleashing the sun upon our favorite vampires... WHO ARE FEASTING ON BILL AND THUS UNAFFECTED BY THE SUN’S RAYS. Eric is still pretty mad, though, and as such, kills Steve Newlin. Steve’s dying words are a pledge of love for Jason, which uber confuses the ditzy Stackhouse. Jason, never change. From there, Pam and Eric are reunited, and Pam gloriously kills her awful, rapey therapist — then dances with his corpse. Hooray?
Having drained Bill to near death, his baby vamps frolic around him like a total Manson-style, ‘70s-era murder cult, high on faerie blood and loving the sunshine. They skip out of the circular room, while Bill stares at Lillith’s naked minions, to pursue Sarah Newlin. Jason catches Sarah, talks about Jesus, screams some while holding a gun to her throat, but ultimately does not shoot her face off. She vrooms off into the distance, perhaps to be seen again in the finale.
Continuing to savor the sunlight, Eric and the drunken Manson-ites trash the tainted Tru Blood supply all over the place. Sunday, bloody Sunday indeed. Meanwhile, as the bloody Lilith sirens tells Bill his time on earth is over, he is all “I’ll see you in hell!” and refuses to go with them. He summons Jessica to him (and James tags along because he is the best). Her sexy vamp friend suggests giving Bill some of their own blood, because he is the only one who has any sense. It works, of course, and Bill emerges into the sun. Everyone frolicks along and goes to party at Bill and Jessica’s — well, all but Eric and Pam, who have a moment, and then Eric literally flies away. Because he is afraid of commitment, right? Right.
Are you amped for next week’s finale? Do you wish Sarah Newlin had been offed? Share your thoughts in the comments below, Truebies!Catch the True Blood Season 6 finale on Sunday, August 18 at 9 p.m. ET/PT on HBO.