We are beyond excited about True Blood's upcoming fifth season –– like so excited that our diet consists of O-neg and po'boys.
There's no way this summer's Truebie explosion isn't going to knock your vampy socks off, but there are a few things we definitely don't want to happen. For starters, if Lafayette loses the faux-hawk, we're out.
Check out our roundup of five things we don't want to see this season on True Blood (aside from Bill's pinkie ring)!
1. Fairy World
Fairy world was probably the weakest plot point of last season. It was underdeveloped and didn't add much to the story as a whole — other than the fact that Sookie lost a year of her life. Thanks to Fairy World, we suffer Tinkerbell nightmares on a regular basis, and can no longer watch ET (glow in the dark fingers, shudder). In short, do not want.
2. More of Jessica and Jason's Truck Sex
Look, we know Jessica's sexploring herself and whatnot, but we just can't get the image of Hoyt's poor, tragic face out of our minds. Bubbaaaaaa! Jessica's clearly addicted to popping her cherry (being a virgin for life has its perks), but what does Jason have that Hoyt can't give her?
3. The Death of a Main Character
We're still recovering from the fact that Alan "Angel of Death" Ball killed off half of our favorite characters last season. Tommy, Tara (maybe), Jesus, Marnie, Debbie, and Nan all bit the dust, and we just can't handle more of our faves dying. Not to mention the fact that there's seriously zero room left in Bon Temps' cemetery, and even if there was, Sookie would just have sex on everyone's tombstones. Sigh.4. Pam and Eric's Feud
Last time we checked in on Pamela, she had just been disowned by Eric as punishment for shooting a bazooka at Sookie. Way to ruin our favorite father-daughter relationship on True Blood, fairy girl. Hopefully, Eric and Pam will make amends, because we're not mentally equipped for them to be fighting all season. Our therapy bills are already through the roof thanks to Bill's foray into the world of Grandaughter Sex.
5. Sookie + Alcide
First of all, Alcide's ours. Second, this girl already has more boyfriends than she can handle, and she definitely doesn't need one more supernatural hottie declaring his undying love for her gap tooth. We think Sookie should spend this season single and ready to mingle ... maybe with some regular human types?