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We love True Blood with a passion, but do you end every episode basking in WTF glory and confusion? We’re right there with you.

 True Blood is a brilliant show, but sometimes our jaws drop in horror at the whacktacular happenings in Bon Temps, aka The Podunk Capital of the World.

Check out the seven biggest WTF bombs from season 5, episode 3, "Whatever I Am You Made Me"!

1. Jason Bangs a Middle-Aged Cat Lady

Uhhh, desperate times call for desperate measures? We don't know what's going through Jason's brain (read: penis) that would inspire him to sex up a desperate ex-housewife with a cat fetish, but clearly this is a cry for help. We need to put together a care package full of condoms, stat!

2. What's With Those Dead Trees in Fangtasia?

Fangtasia is decorated like any dive bar — with neon, leather, and various bodily fluids. But this week we noticed that Eric's throne was flanked by two dead trees. We haven't seen such boho-chic decor since our middle aged parents decided to get "back to nature."

3. Andy Is Naked, Our Eyes Are Burning

We're still recovering from Andy's flirtation with nudity during the season premiere, and this week we were confronted by an image of his assets. Consider us blushing with shame. Why shame? Because he looks so good. Ahhhhh, what is happening?!

4. Jason Goes Grocery Shopping ... For Pickles

We've always assumed that Jason lives on a healthy diet of pizza, beer, and sex, so obviously we were shocked to see him strolling through Bon Temps' grocery store buying pickles. This must the influence of his sister, Snooki.

 

5. What Is Alcide's Job?

 Apparently Alcide is some kind of contractor, but judging from this episode he spends all day wearing plaid and hanging out next to massive wood piles. Professional Stud.

6. Is Hoyt and Undiscovered Fashion Icon

Um, can we please discuss Hoyt's outfit? And we don't just mean the fact that he was dressed like a goth. Hoyt was wearing a mesh tank top with an attached hoodie. Our minds have officially been blown into a million WTF-sized pieces. Lafayette would be so proud of you, Bubba!

7. Salome and Bill Have Terrible Sex

We know Queen Bill has a mysterious sexual appeal, but we miss the good ol' days when he would choke/bite people during the deed. His latest sexcapade with Salome was downright horrifying, mostly because they were making crazy eyes at each other. Which obviously caused us to make WTF eyes at our televisions.

 


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