We love True Blood with every fiber of our being, but do you end each episode basking in WTF glory? We're right there with you, truebies.
Our jaws constantly drop at the crazy/beautiful happenings in Bon Temps, and it's time to check out the biggest WTF moments from Season 5, Episode 7: "In The Beginning."
1. Sam Writhes Around on the Floor Sniffing Things, We're Creeped Out
We always knew Sam had "issues," but he spent this entire episode writhing around on various dirty floors in what seemed to be sextacular ecstasy. We know, we know, he was "sniffing out evidence" (hah, yeah right), but really Sam? Control your urges, you are in public.
2. Bill Screams Eric's Name Hysterically, Clutches His Pearls
Bill morphed into his alter ego, Hard Hearted Hannah, this week, and it was beautiful. Poor dear went into a complete panic when the lights turned off in Authority Headquarters, and started screaming Eric's name in a frenzy. We believe his exact words were, "Eric? ERIC? Eriiiiiiiic!" Little dude just needs to be hugged.
3. Alcide Gets His Rambo on, Remains Hot
Look, Alcide. We know you look amazing shirtless, and we know you love nothing more than grunting, but what's going on with the headband? This hunky werewolf engaged in wrestling practice with Tricky Ricki this week, which for some reason featured '80s movie role-playing, and took place amongst a bunch of hay bales. In other words: yes, please.
4. Tara Pole Dances, We Go Blind
What? No! What? Our eyes! Tara's foray into professional pole dancing has scarred us deeply, and at this point we're questioning our entire belief system. Yes, Tata looked amazing dressed up in a leather bikini, but Human Tara would never have put her hot bod on display for a bunch of emo fangbangers and their Avril Lavigne ties. Sob, what is happening to you, Tara? Come back to us.
5. Lilith Rises From The Blood, We Remain Confused
We've been waiting for Lilith to rise from the blood since we finished reading the Vampyr Bible (yes, fanfiction Bibles count), and it was spectacular. By which we mean, it was like a hypnotic '80s acid trip where everything was various shades of neon. Honestly, we half expected Tom Cruise circa Legends to ride by on a unicorn, leaving a trail of glitter behind him.
6. Jesus' Grandpa Terrifies the American Public
We're so concerned about Lafayette. All we know is that he's hanging out in Mexico, surrounded by tea-lights and candelabras, and could deliver the spawn of Satan at any moment. Jesus' gramps might be dead, but his love child is about to burst forth from the womb, and we're having all kinds of Rosemary's Baby flashbacks.
7. Hoyt Joins a Hate Group
We are so traumatized about Hoyt's new hateful agenda. He's such a sweet guy and this just seems completely out of character. We blame Alan Ball. Is nothing sacred? SOB!