Eric Attacks Pam: Detailed Analysis of True Blood Season 5, Episode 4 Promo

The promo for next week's episode of True Blood is 35 seconds of ugly-crying, plaid lumberjack shirts, and "O" faces.

If you watched it and still don't know whether or not Sookie will be arrested for murder — don't worry. We’ve parsed through each millisecond of promo content and created a detailed analysis of what’s to come!

0:01 – Camera Zooms in on Sookie's Face

Unfortunately, we can't tell whether or not her hair is in a half ponytail. We live in hope ... and fear.

0:03 – Lafayette Eye-Rolls at Sookie

Hookah, fix your teeth.

0:05 – Alcide Truth Bombs Sookie: He Told the Pelts About Debbie's Death!

Who cares, just take off your shirt!

0:07 – Sookie Lies On The Couch, Might Be In A Drunken Stupor

Her eyeballs look wonky, that's all we're saying.

0:09 – Bill and Eric Try to Figure Out Who Unearthed Russell Edgington

Maybe they should discuss this over a romantic game of strip chess.

0:10 – Pam Looks Shocked and Mildly Traumatized

Flashbacking to that time she wore a Walmart track suit, no doubt.

0:11 – Eric Sits on His Throne and Glares at No One in Particular

Are we the only ones who miss the days when he had long hair?

0:15 – Salome Interrogates Nora While Roman Makes the Most Amazing Face Ever

Little do they know that the key to Nora's heart is sibling sex.

0:19 – Bill and Eric Decide That Sookie "Could Be Useful"

Finally, she has purpose in life ... other than listening to "Bootyliscious" on repeat.

0:20 – Sookie Sits in a Leather Chair and Makes an "O" Face

Leather probably reminds her of Eric.

0:22 – Flashlights Peer Into a Grave

We get it, Russell Has Escaped

0:23 – Eric Attacks and/or Makes Sweet Love to Pam

Their relationship has always been confusing.

0:25 – There's Another Traitor In The Authority And Roman Wants To Take Lives!

Roman's stake is basically the True Blood version of a Pet Rock.

0:26 – Nora Spreads Her Arms

Giving so many imaginary hugs.

0:27 – Sookie Ugly Cries Next to Her Car

Unlike the rest of this town, Sookie actually feels bad when she murders someone.

0:29 – Debbie's Dad Attacks Alcide, Alcide Makes a Sad Face

Dude just wants to be friends with everyone.

0:30 – Jason And Andy Fall Over Onto a Grassy Knoll

Uhhhh ... bonding trip in nature, perhaps?

0:32 – Roman Bares His Fangs

Remains sexy while doing so.