The promo for next week's episode of True Blood is 37 seconds of Bill's pursed lips, bloody hands, magical tutus, and terrifying faerie fashion. If you watched it and still have no idea what to expect — fear not. We’ve parsed through each millisecond of promo content and created a detailed analysis of what’s to come!
0:01 – Bill Makes an O Face at No One in Particular
It's just who he is.
0:02 – Lilith Tells Bill to "Drink the Blood"
Note to self: Do not trust ladies dripping in bodily fluids.
0:06 – Bill Huffs Lilith's Hand
William, please control your urges. Hugs, not drugs.
0:12 – Homeland Security Visit The Authority
We have a feeling this won't end well. Also, Bill is so jealous of those lapels.
0:13 – Bill Purses His Lips in a Rage
Practicing his Zoolander blue steel impression, obvs.
0:14 – Roslyn Gives Tara a Noogie
If Tara joins The Authority, so help us....
0:17 – Russell Looks Traumatized, Is Clutching His Pearls
Someone hand him an urn full of jello, stat.
0:21 – Morella Appears to Be Popping Out a Baby Tinkerbell on Stage
Burlesque show birth trumps manger birth every time.
0:22 – Sookie Wears Pink Tutu, We Go Blind
We never thought we'd say this, but please put your bootie shorts back on.
0:25 – Russell Attacks Jason, Cue Nooooooooooooooo(s)
Now's the time for Jason to morph into his alter ego, Ghost Daddy.
0:26 – Luna Peers Out of a Jail Cell
Looks like that whole rescue mission failed miserably.
0:28 – Russell Calls Out to Sookie in a Munchie-Induced Rage
If he hurts so much as one hair on Jason's head, we're going to burn our Stevell shrine.
0:29 – Jason Hangs in a Grave With Jessica, Might Be a Vampire
They're dropping like flies in Bon Temps, yet no one has bothered to turn us into vamps. Sigh.
0:30 – Alcide Roundhouse Kicks Someone Who May or May Not Be JD
Tragically, neither of them are shirtless.
0:31 – Bill Decides That He's "The Chosen One"
Last time we checked, you didn't know how to bend a spoon with your mind, Bill. Next!