he promo for next week's episode of True Blood is 37 seconds of sexy-face, seances, creepy southern pervs, and giant cobras. If you watched it and still don't know if Bill's an evil Sanguanista — don't worry. We’ve parsed through each millisecond of promo content and created a detailed analysis of what’s to come!
0:01 – Eric, Salome and Nora Hang Out Post-Bender
That was the most fierce case of the munchies we've ever seen.
0:07 – Bill and Eric Exchange a Meaningful Look
Their love is so pure. So Pure.
0:14 – Sookie Says She's Tired of "Being a Freak"
Shooting off your weird ET fingers ain't gonna change that, girl.
0:15 – Jason Continues to Look Confused
Nothing new here.
0:17 – Terry, Patrick, Arlene and Lafayette Have a Seance
So many flashbacks to middle school. This is like The Craft all over again!
0:18 – Some Creepy Candles Light on Fire
Nooooo, the smoke monsteeeeeeer!
0:20 – Sexy Brunette Makes an O-Face
Dear god, don't tell us we have to sit through another Bill sex scene.
0:21 – Bill Tells Eric He's Evolving, We Eye-Roll
Sanguanista alert! Ladies, protect your aortas and "juicy groin veins."
0:22 – King Cobra Attacks Random Hillbilly
Awww, we love it when Sam gets creative shifter-style!
0:24 – Jason Wants to Make Someone "Pay For What They Did"
OMG, did someone steal his pizza and beer?
0:25 – Sam and Andy Do Some Breakin' and Enterin'
Modern day Scully and Mulder, y'all.
0:27 – JD and Alcide Have a Were-Off
We assume it involves Rambo headbands and shirtlessness.
0:29 – Eric Attacks Nora in Lilith's Chamber of Secrets
Oh lordy, looks like we're in for another round of sexy incest.
0:29 – Tara Chows Down on a Blond Bombshell, We Remain Horrified
We're starting to think she has some serious Sookie fetishes.
0:30 – Russell Turns Into a Born Again Lilithson
Get it? Like Christian but Lilith? Works on so many levels.
0:31 – Luna Arches Her Backs, May or May Not Be Having Sex
It's hard to tell with her, let's be real.
0:32 – Jessica Is Wrapped Up in Silver!
Damn you, Hoyt, you keep your bubba-liscious hands off of her!
0:34 – Sookie Finger-Zaps Jason Across a Field
Poor dude just can't catch a break.