Credit: HBO

True Blood really outdid itself with the quotes this week, so grab the nearest top hat (shout out to Eric!) and check out the 10 best doozies from season 5, episode 2 "Authority Always Wins."

Also, prepare to throw your religious beliefs out the window, 'cause God is a vampire!

10. Bible class, courtesy of True Blood: "And their breath shall nourish yours, their blood shall flow within you, so as the beetle nourishes the lark, so shall humans nourish vampire."

What is this, like Psalm 2?

9. Nora introduces her jail mate to Bill and Eric: "He was a nurse practitioner in Mass General's maternity ward. Instead of delivering babies he kept eating them."

A common problem, obviously.

8. Terry says what we're thinking: "We're all gonna die."

Sigh, this dude is so positive. 

7. Luna chews out her mother-in-law: "F*** what you feel."

So charming, no wonder Sam likes her.

Credit: Facebook

6. Jason on the benefits of not calling someone after sex: "That's getting to eat the pie, without having to pay for the cow."

Flawless quote, Jason.

5. A brief history of mankind: "Before God created Adam and Eve, he created Lilith. Who, like God, was vampire."

So many people are about to take to Twitter in offense.

4. Steve Newlin pops up on TV: "I'm here to tell you, Jesus loves vampires. I mean, anyone who's been dead for three days knows where we're coming from."

We always suspected that Jesus was a peace-loving hippie.

3. Roman eye-rolls at Bill: "I feel like staking you so f***ing much right now"

Get in line.

2. Bill and Eric's cellmate defends his abominable appetite: "Newborns! I mean, just so succulent."

We have a feeling he'd get along great with Russell Edgington.

1. Deep thoughts, courtesy of Marcus' mom: "Blood is blood."

Thanks for the reminder, girl.

 


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