We’re all in need of a good fangbang, and sometimes these bleak Eric-less times cause Truebies to take a trip into the world of fang fiction and get their theory on.
1. There Is No ''Authority''
Mysterious whisperings about The Authority have been floating around Bon Temps since the good old days of long-haired Eric — but we still have no idea who this evasive group of vamps are, or what they stand for.
Before Nan Flanagan was turned into a puddle of goo, she was the Authority’s representative in Bon Temps — but she never clarified who she was working for. Is it possible that Nan made The Authority up as an excuse to wear leather power suits?
2. Tara’s Alive
Rumors of Tara’s survival have been floating around fan forums ever since her brains splattered all over Sookie’s wall (seriously, that kitchen is cursed) — but we’re having a hard time believing that she’ll be back.
Need we remind you that Tara’s missing half her head? Even if one of Sookie’s many vampire lovers rushed to the rescue, their blood wouldn’t necessarily have the power to regrow a brain.
Of course, there’s always the possibility that Tara will spend the rest of True Blood immobile and glaring at people from a wheelchair.
3. Eric and Bill Will Fall in Love
Eric and Bill’s blossoming bromance went into overdrive during the season 4 finale.First they rubbed up against each other in all their shirtless glory, then they changed into matching silk pajamas and hung around Bill’s bachelorette pad, then they shared a blood-sucking fang-gasm, and finally they tried to commit the True Death together. So much bonding!
And note to all you nonbelievers: Alan Ball isn’t shy of treating viewers to sexy man-on-man action (Sam and Bill’s shower scene, anyone?). This particular fan theory might just come true!
4. Sookie Will Get Pregnant
Fans of The Southern Vampire Mysteries know that Sookie can’t get pregnant by a vampire, but psshhh whatev! That’s what Edward told Bella, and look what happened to them. One word: Renesme.
Sookie’s booty shorts are so tiny we’re surprised she hasn’t gotten preggo just by walking through Merlotte’s after a football game.
If she pulls a Bella and grows a vampire bun in her oven, Eric would have to be the father ... unless she and Queen Bill were getting frisky behind-the-scenes and no one told us. Typical.
5. Hoyt Will Turn Into a Vampire
You guys, we’re worried about Hoyt. First his girlfriend drained some random in a bathroom stall and broke his heart, and now his best friend is banging her.
How could life get worse? Oh right, if he turned into a blood-sucker.
Hoyt is so depressed that we wouldn’t be surprised if he went on a vampire-cide mission to Fangtasia in the hopes of being converted. After all, it’s the only way he’s going to get back into Jessica’s little red riding hood panties.