True Blood

Remember the good ol’ days when Jason Stackhouse was tied to dirty mattress and living off rotten meat? His only friends were inbred werepanthers, everyone had buckteeth, and let’s be honest: It was a great time.

Sadly, Ghost Daddy escaped the town of Hot Shot and hasn’t looked back since — but our hearts still belong to uncle-daddy Calvin and his troop of deranged sister-cousins. Miss y'alls!  

If you want to re-visit Hot Shot in True Blood season 5, check out four ways these local yokels can get their moment in the spotlight!

1. Jason Fulfills His Promise to Crystal

 Before she raped and tortured Jason, Crystal was a pretty great girlfriend. Jason might hate Ghost Momma nowadays, but he made her a promise to take care of her inbred kin, and he hasn’t exactly followed through.

We’d love to see Jason arm himself with a few paintball guns (just in case!), and head to the backwoods of Hot Shot to check in on those werepanther cubs. If only to keep them from mating with each other ....

2. Jason Becomes a Ghost Daddy

Whatever happened to Jason turning into a Ghost Daddy? The werepanthers tied him to a bed, went all cat-scratch fever on him, and even rubbed his wounds with mystery dirt — and then ... nothing. Not even a tail.

Here’s to hoping Mr. Stack(ed)house gets caught in a full moon and transforms into a kitty cat sometime next season. It would make his relationship with Jessica pretty interesting ... and his relationship with Sookie, come to think of it. Shudder.

3. A Were-Panther Uprising

The were-panthers are the lowest of the low in Bon Temps. Honestly, the local alligators have more class than them, and that’s only because they eat name-brand marshmallows.

Crystal and her fellow Hot Shots must be sick of living in poverty, and now is the perfect time for a mini-rebellion!

We suggest that the werepanthers #occupybontemps and stage a protest. These super freaks deserve rights just like the rest of us!

4. Werepanthers Join Forces With the Werewolves!

What do werepanthers and werewolves have in common? Well, not that much actually. But both species have the word “were” in their name, so they might as well have each other’s backs.

Plus, now that Alcide’s all alone in the world, he needs a new group of friends. If nothing else, he can teach the werepanther mutts how to get a six-pack. Maybe then they’ll have some purpose in life!