Good news, sexually frustrated fang girls. Sookie Stackhouse has finally finished the second chapter in her newest book “A Fairy Princess’ Guide to Safe Sex With a Viking Vampire,” and we have a sneak peak to get you geared up for True Blood’s season finale!

Warning: You may need a glass of water for re-hydration purposes.

1. Allow Viking Vampire to bite your juicy groin vein. Try not to pass out.

Credit: HBO Photo: 1. Allow Viking Vampire to bite your juicy groin vein. Try not to pass out.

2. Have sex in your ex-boyfriend's back yard.

Credit: HBO Photo: 2. Have Sex In Your Ex-Boyfriend’s Back Yard.

3. Do it on your grandmother’s heirloom rug.

Credit: HBO Photo: 3. Do it on your grandmother’s heirloom rug.

4. Do it doggie style in a fun house (take care not to morph into an actual dog).

Credit: John P. Johnson/HBO Photo: A Werewolf from True Blood

5. Experiment with S&M.

Credit: HBO Photo: 5. Experiment with S&M.

6. Get high from Viking Vampire bodily fluids.

Credit: HBO Photo: 6. Get high from Viking Vampire bodily fluids.

7. Transport yourself to Santa’s work shop.

Credit: HBO Photo: 7. Transport yourself to Santa’s work shop.

8. Fall asleep mid-kiss and refuse to share the blankets.

Credit: HBO Photo: 8. Fall asleep mid-kiss and refuse to share the blankets.


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