The promo for next week's episode of True Blood is 37 seconds of cannibals, nipples, and dead bodies.
If you watched it and still don't know whether or not Tara is a zombie — don't worry. We’ve parsed through each millisecond of promo content and created a detailed analysis of what’s to come!
We have yet to understand why Bill goes everywhere in that long-sleeved henley T-shirt, sigh.
0:06 – Eric and Nora Make Sexy Eyes at Each Other
And remain siblings ....
0:10 – Bill Looks Off Into the Distance in a Panic
"Sookeh? Ah luv yew!"
0:11 – Eric Eye-Rolls at the Ceiling
He'd so much rather being doing it with his sister than partaking in this interrogation.
0:12 – Alcide Skulks Around the Woods in Huff
Who is that old man who keeps yelling at him? Someone with that facial hair pattern shouldn't pass judgement.
That's what you get for showing up on someone's front porch naked, Sam.
2012, people. It's happening.
0:18 – Random Dead Woman Wears Pioneer Outfit
Please tell us this is a flashback to Bill's days as a Confederate soldier.
0:19 – Old-Timey Creep Attacks Lady With a Knife
Serial killers are so much more likable in bowler hats.
0:21 – Martha Looks Crazy, Mutters "Blood Is Blood"
She has first-hand experience. You know, from that one time she ate her son.
0:23 – Luna Looks Shocked
Just realized that her boyfriend is a streaker / nudist.
0:27 – Bill Gets Injected With a Mysterious Fluid
We've never heard a damsel cry so hard in distress.
0:29 – Sad Bill Goes Limp, Suffers a Fainting Spell
Poor dear didn't see what was coming. Someone hand him a piano.
0:30 – Random Townie Accuses Jason of Ruining His Life
Uh oh, don't tell us the were-children of Hot Shot were let out of their pens again.
0:31 – Andy Clutches a Vial of V
Noooo, Andy! Hugs not drugs!
0:32 – Pam Wakes Up From Her Beauty Sleep...
Realizes she's related to Tara, shuts her eyes again.
0:33 – Chris Meloni as a Vampire! We Repeat: Chris Meloni as a Vampire!
Sigh, it's everything we hoped it would be and more.
0:34 – Tara Attacks Sookie and Bares Her Fangs
If Tara falls in love with Sookie's booty shorts like the rest of the vampires in Bon Temps, we're going to lose it.