Credit: John P. Johnson/HBO ©2011 Home Box Office Photo: Bill Punishes a Badly Behaving Vampire

The third episode of True Blood Season 4, "If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin’?," was filled with so many OMG moments, we could barely pick out the top five for this list. Let’s just say every scene with Jason naked and strapped to the bed had us hyperventilating.

After much indecision, we’ve rounded up the 5 biggest OMFG moments from “If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin’?” for you to look back on — the F stands for fang, of course. Wink, wink!

1. Bill fangbangs Portia Bellefleur!

We’re still recovering from Bill sinking his fangs into his sexy security guard in episode 4.2, and now he’s already moved on to the next vamp fetishist? Who knew being king would get Bill so much action. Clearly these ladies didn’t know him during his high-water pants phase. Anyway, our minds were blown when Bill took Portia up on her sexy proposition and they got jiggy with it! True Blood sex scenes never cease to amaze us with how "not safe for life" they are.

2. Alcide’s back with Debbie!

Credit: John P. Johnson/HBO ©2011 Home Box Office Photo: Sookie Makes a Deal with Eric and Reconnects with Alcide!

Really, Alcide? Her? Debbie might be a born-again Christian, but clearly this good girl is all kinds of naughty in the sack — why else would Alcide be dating her? We don’t know what shocked us more, the fact that Alcide and Debbie reunited, or the fact that Deb’s new bangs are only slightly less fugly than her previous mullet. Someone needs to make her an appointment with whoever shaved Lafayette’s frohawk, stat.

3. Eric kills Claudine!

Credit: John P. Johnson/HBO Photo: Claudine Crane in Episode 4.03, "If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin'?"

Just when we were starting to get used to Sookie’s extended family of fairy goblins, her godmother goes and gets herself drained. We didn’t see that one coming! Eh. At least Eric got a good meal out of it — and who knows, he might even be able to day-walk! Let’s just hope his skin glitters prettily like Edward Cullen’s. Or is that just a vampires-in-the-Pacific-Northwest thing?

4. Jason is the werepanther savior!

We can accept the fact that Jason’s about to turn into a werepanther for the sole purpose of impregnating wombs (after all, he’s just putting his natural talents to good use), but can he really pull off being Ghost Daddy? From what we hear, Ghost Daddies have a lot of responsibility — way more than regular old baby daddies.

5. Sam and Tara almost hook up!

Credit: Facebook Photo: Tara Thorton Gets Inquisitive in True blood Season 4

Sam and Tara’s dirty flirty was totally OMG-worthy. Just when she had us thinking she was a straight-up lesbian, she starts eye-stripping that flannel shirt right off Sam’s back. Girlfriend loves to keep us guessing!