Credit: HBO

You guys, Jason is going through a midlife stud crisis, and he can't stop talking about all the feelings he's feeling in his man parts.

As you might expect, this makes for some stellar quotes, so sit back, relax, and enjoy the top ten doozies from True Blood Season 5, Episode 3, "Whatever I Am, You Made Me"!

10. Pam calls out Sookie: "You haven't done shit for me, Tinkerbell."

If Sookie is Tinkerbell, that makes Eric Peter Pan. We can see it.

9. Eric's guard dresses him in a girdle: "Just imagine it's a training bra."

Eric: "It's been a long time since I've worn one."

 His pecs needed the support, clearly.

8. Lafayette gets his chef on: "Arlene, these peas is colder than titties in a brass bra. C'mon now, sh**!"

Seriously, who orders peas?

7. Salome educates Bill: "The human Bible, it's little better than Us Weekly."

Ummmm, Us Weekly is fabulous, don't even.

6. Jason feels conflicted: "My dick starts screaming, 'Dude just shut up and f*** her.'"

His body's saying let's go, but his heart is saying no.

5. Pam addresses her customers: "Go back to dry humping each other and buying my overpriced drinks, or get the f*** out!"

Sigh, such fabulous service.

4. Jason teaches Jessica a lesson: "I ain't some mechanical bull you can come ride on whenever you feel like it."

It must be opposite day in Bon Temps again.

3. A random townie compliments Jessica: "Honey, you are hotter than barbecued tabasco sauce in that dress."

Is that a thing? Because we need to eat it.

2. Jessica spies a fairy: "You smell awesome, what are you?"

Our new pickup line. 

1. Lafayette yells at Arlene: "Gumbo ain't ready yet, now get the f*** up out my kitch."

He's baaaaack!

 


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