Top True Blood Quotes From True Blood Season 5, Episode 9: "I Ain't Gmail For Dead Bitches"

Good news, gumbo lovers! Lafayette is finally out of mourning, and he's back to his beautiful, doo-ragged self. Praise Lilith! As you might expect, this week's quotes were even more off-the-hizzle than usual, so check out our top 10.
 

10. Sookie probes Lafayette about his spirit sightings: "You see anything?"

Lafayette: "Yep. One fine-ass motha f-cka with pretty new eyelashes."
 
And no, Sookie, he's not talking about you.
 
9. Lafayette scolds his ghost buddies: "Dead folk, why y'all gotta be so cryptic? It ain't cute."

Looking at you, Jesus. Are you dead or alive? Pick one!

8. A reporter questions Andy: "Sheriff Bellefleur, is it true that Barack Obama is actually behind the recent unsolved shootings and the kidnapping of a local vampire?"

Andy: "No, the President of the United States is not actually in Bernard Parish, shooting
and kidnapping people."

Please, as if the Prez would set foot in Bon Temps.

7. Lafayette vents his brujo frustration: "I ain't got no goddamn clue how this shit work; I ain't Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost! Although I am way prettier."

Unchained melody, sob!

6. Lafayette gets peeved at his ghosty friends: "All y'all, I ain't Gmail for dead bitches! Send ya own goddamn messages, hell."

Google really needs to break into supernatural cyberspace.

5. Nora compliments Eric: "Still such a f--king Viking, even after all these years."

Eric: Always.

Once a Swedish Meatball, always a Swedish Meatball.

4. Sam eye-rolls at Luna: "You're really f--king annoying, you know that?"

Luna: "And you're old fashioned and surprisingly sexist."

More like surprisingly sexy.

3. Pam educates Tara: "There are two things I try to stay away from: Humans who eat a lot of fish and politics."

And real leather. Pleather for life!

2. Pam rejects her progeny: "Just because we drank a bitch together does not make us Oprah and Gayle."

Might be Pam's best quote of all time.

1. Sookie chats up Sam: "Were you a pig, or did I dream that?"

Please keep your erotic fantasies to yourself, Sookie.