It’s that time of the month again, ladies: Sookie must decide between her two vampire boyfriends. Will she choose Eric the statuesque Viking King, or her first truebie love, Queen Bill? Check out Wetpaint Entertainment’s fangbanging recap of “Burning Down The House” to find out!
And fear not, just because Sookie’s busy saving lives one gap-tooth at a time, doesn’t mean she couldn’t fit in a few emo moments with Eric.
Kill Bill 2
When Eric attacks Bill at the Festival of Tolerance, Sookie is forced to make a decision once and for all — so what does girlfriend do? Choose Bill! Sookie saves the King with her light-up hands, revealing her fairy powers to Nan and reversing Eric’s amnesia in the process. That’s right, Eric’s life flashes before his eyes ... and the main feature? Snow sex.
As piles of bloody corpses and injured muggles writhe around on the floor, Antonarnie is overwhelmed by guilt, so she heads back to the Moongoddess Emporium with her gang of possessed vamps while Sookie and Eric stare at each other deeply and presumably eye sex.
Sookie and her love triangle re-convene at Bill’s palace, and Bill concocts a plan to go after Marnie and take her down to Chinatown — no matter how many innocent people die in the process.
Meanwhile, Eric’s back to his old sarcastic self, but don’t sweat it: He still hearts Sookie and she still hearts him.
Of course, Sookie has to go ruin it all by declaring her undying love for Bill, breaking Eric’s vampire heart in the process.
Hmmm, we have an idea. What if Sookie stops stealing all the hottest supes in town and left some for the rest of us?
After Jason and Jessica fangbang their way through Taylor Swift’s Speak Now, Jason is consumed with guilt for sexing up his bestie’s gal. You see, it turns out Jason’s been something of a protective older brother to Hoyt, who apparently hobbled around Bon Temps with a Tiny Tim cane for most of his childhood.
Jason’s bromantic feelings for Hoyt must be stronger than his romantic feelings for Baby Vamp, because he begs her to glamour away the memories of their fangbang. Wow, first he made Jess have sex in the back of a truck, and now he wants to forget it happened because of his love for Hoyt? Classy.
By the way, if this scene makes you doubt Jason’s manliness, don’t: His post-sex outfit consists of a leather jacket over a bare six-pack.
Since Jess refuses to glamour Jason, he’s left to cope with his guilt all on his lonesome. Things go from bad to worse when Hoyt drops by to cry over Jessica, so we’ll go ahead and tag this as #thatawkwardmomentwhenyoubangyourbestfriendsgal.
Over on My Strange Addiction, Terry confronts Andy about his V use and drags him to “Fort Bellefleur” (their childhood tree house) for an intervention. So what does Terry have in mind? Oh, just some friendly fire at paint cans! Seems a little more dangerous than calling up TLC, but at least Andy finally admits he’s an addict.
Meanwhile, in the magical land known as Alcide’s biceps, Tommy makes it back to Merlotte’s and reunites with Sam. Sorry to say it, truebies, but it looks like lil’ Tommy Mickens is about to join Gran and Rene in the local graveyard.
Tommy rests on a pool table so he can enjoy the last moments of his life in style, and as Sam blabbers on about angels and heaven, Alcide looks hunky in the background, and poor Tommy slips away.
You’ll be missed bro, but don’t worry — we believe in ghosts ‘round these parts.
Alcide and Sam vow to avenge Tommy’s death, while Debbie and Tommy’s murderer, Marcus, get closer than ever. And by that we mean they talk about making little wolf pups and most likely have sex all over his house.
Over at the Moongoddess Emporium, Marnie vomits up Antonia so they can have a face-to-face convo, and it’s revealed that Marnie is the one who wants to continue the violent streak, whereas Antonia just wants to peace out.
Looks like Marnie wins this war of the split personalities, because she convinces Antonia to hop back into her bod to continue their fight against evil. Yum!
Meanwhile, Tara and Holly hatch a plan to break Antonarnie’s spell, but little do they know that Jesus, Lafayette, Sookie and Jason are on their way to rescue them while Bill simultaneously leads an angry brigade of vamps who want to blow the place up.
Jesus heads towards Marnie’s pad to start the peace-making process, and ends up thrusting his way through a wall of magic fire to bond with Marnie while she strokes his cheek. Awkward!
Meanwhile, Tara and Holly breach Marnie’s spell, but as they run for the door, Sookie and Lala show themselves and all four of them get kidnapped by Marnie, leaving Jason behind.