Credit: John P. Johnson/HBO Photo: The Vampires Prepare for Battle in Season 4, Episode 11: "Soul of Fire"

It’s the penultimate episode of True Blood season 4, and can we just say — hookahs did not disappoint. Blood? Yes. Gore? Yes. More than the usual amount of ghost vomiting? Witch, please. Check out Wetpaint Entertainment’s recap of “Soul of Fire,” but keep a box of tissues nearby. You never know when someone might up and die!

Burning Man

Credit: HBO Photo: Jason Defends Sookie in Season 4, Episode 11: "Soul of Fire"

When we last saw Bill and Eric they were hanging out with the rest of their leather-clad S&M gang ready to blow The Moon Goddess Emporium up the wazoo. Clearly, these vamps don’t know that when it comes to unnecessary leather outfits and bazookas, 16th century witches know what’s up.

The fab four are within seconds of commencing their Wiccan terrorist attack when — hark — a six pack doth approach! Jason tells Bill’s crew that Sookie’s trapped inside the emporium, and surprisingly everyone is just like, “Ugh, fu**ing Sookie.” Our thoughts exactly. Have Bill and Eric finally realized that it’s time to ditch the fairy princess and bang each other’s fangs already?

Jason appeals to Eric and Bill’s emo sides by reminding them of how many times Sookie’s saved each of their lives, and they agree to abort the witch hunt. That is, until they get ambushed by Marnie’s vampire slaves. Way to go, guys.

Hotel California

Credit: HBO Photo: Eric Agrees to Die for Sookie in Season 4, Episode 11: "Soul of Fire"

Over in Hostage 101, Jesus, Sookie and Lafayette try to convince Antonarnie that she’s being even crazier than Lord Voldemort, and she finally agrees. Er, at least Antonia agrees. The Marnie side goes ahead and kills Casey with some sort of medieval knife. Well, that’s one way to inspire your team. Antonia and her burlap sack fly out of Marnie’s throat in protest all, “War, what is it good for?” but Marnie’s like, “Don’t even,” and deep throats Antonia for good.  

Meanwhile, Jason and Lala carry Casey’s dead body into the bathroom under the guise of “healing her,” and try to draw Antonia out of Marnie’s body and into Casey’s corpse. Jesus warns Lala that he’s going to “use a dark part of himself” and proceeds to lick Casey’s blood, cut his wrists, tie his hands up in an Hermes scarf (just guessing), and sprout horns. No big deal.

Elsewhere, Sookie finally convinces Marnie to negotiate, so they head outside to chat with Eric and his crew. Marnie promptly kills one of her vampire robots and then asks Bill and Eric to commit vampire-cide in exchange for Sookie’s life. Of course, Eric and Bill are only too happy to die for their dairymaid, but Pam grabs a bazooka and blows everyone up before they have a chance. Wait, did Pam just disobey Eric to save his life? Viking King is displeased.

Were Wars

Credit: HBO Photo: Sam Goes After Marcus in Season 4, Episode 11: "Soul of Fire"

What do you get when a hunky shifter teams up with an even hunkier werewolf? A good ol’ fashioned smack down! Sam and Alcide rough up some unnamed were-biker and find out that Marcus is hiding out at Alcide’s house (which is code for making sweet puppy love to Debbie) and next thing we know, Luna storms in wearing a ‘90s leather jacket and announces that Emma’s missing. Talk about a double whammy!

The three of them head over to Alcide’s so Sam and Marcus can fight-to-the death, and, surprisingly, Sam gets the upper paw and decides to save Marcus’ life so he can live with his sins. Of course, Marcus goes all were-crazy and yellow eyed, so obviously Alcide has to kill him. So, how does a man like Alcide commit an impromptu murder? Oh, just with a casual punch to the throat. Basically, Alcide could have bitch slapped Marcus and he would have dropped dead, that’s how strong he is.  

Alcide breaks up with Debbie by saying, “I’ll share flesh with you no longer,” leaving her sobbing alone in her underwear, and Sam heads outside to tell Emma and Luna that Marcus is dead. Real talk: Emma is going to need some serious therapy once this fright night is over.

Meanwhile, Andy is still walking home to Bon Temps after his intervention at Fort Bellefleur, when he happens upon a random fairy named Mirella, who seems to have a fetish for short bald men. They start fairy fornicating, but not before Andy “swears to the light” that he’ll protect her.

After a festive forest frolic, Andy heads home and confides to Arlene about his out-of-this world (literally) light-up sex. Clearly, Arlene thinks po-po be trippin’, and she convinces Andy that he was hallucinating. But then Andy looks at his finger all, “E.T phone home,” so you never know. Dude could sprout fairy wings any day now.

Ring of Fire

Credit: HBO Photo: Marnie Dies in Season 4, Episode 11: "Soul of Fire"

Back at the Moon Goddess Emporium, Marnie freaks out when she foresees her own death, so she makes the coven join hands and cast a spell that will force Bill, Eric, Jessica, and Pam to commit vampire-cide. Again. (Doesn’t she have any other tricks up those long, hippie sleeves?)

Meanwhile, Jessica’s busy healing Jason (who’s been blasted into a pile of goo by Pam’s bazooka), and just as they’re about to share a romantic kiss, Marnie’s spell hits with a vengeance and Jess is forced to walk into the wall of sun that surrounds the emporium!

Before the vamps can burn to a crisp, Sookie uses her fairy hands to break Marnie’s spell by shooting a random ball of light into the circle, and of course, Marnie’s just like “f***k this sh***” and encases Sookie in a ring of fire to punish her.

Just as it seems like Sookie might die, Jesus turns into a monster and exorcises Antonia from Marnie’s body. Dang, he really is our savior after all!

Bill and Eric rush in the moment the spell is broken, and Eric proceeds to rip Roy’s heart out of his chest and drink from it. What? Boyfriend was just trying to re-fuel after a hard day’s work! With Roy out of the way, Bill pumps Marnie full of bullet holes and she dies to the sound of vaguely ethnic music.

But is this really the end of this bitchy witch? Don’t count on it. Jesus and Lafayette go home to cuddle in their leopard print sheets and just as they drift off to sleep, Marnie’s ghost shows up like a big, unsexy third wheel and flies down Lala’s throat. This medium just can’t catch a break, can he?

Make sure to tune into next week’s True Blood season finale to find out how Lafayarnie will wreak havoc during the spookiest night of the year — Halloween!

Credit: YouTube Photo: Watch Sneak Peek of True Blood Season 4 Finale: "And When I Die"