Double, double toil and trouble! True Blood Season 4, episode 8: “Spellbound” had all the True Blood requirements: V-Tripping fang bangs? Check! Blood, guts and bullet wounds? Yup. A vampire/witch throw-down? Hell yes. Get all caught up on the dirty, sexy lives of Bon Temps’ supernatural crew with Wetpaint Entertainment’s recap!
I Wanna Soak Up the Sun!
Pop in your fake fangs and break out a bottle of SPF 30, because it’s time to find out whether or not Jessica was burnt to a crisp by “The Suuuuunnnnn!” When we last saw Jess, she was desperate for a tan, but don’t worry –– Baby V is currently alive and well because Jason saves the day and forces her inside. Our hero! So how does Jess thank Jason for saving her skin? By ramming her tongue down his throat, of course!
If you thought Jason had it rough while he was being gang-raped by a bunch of panthers, you have another thing coming. Ghost Daddy is stressin’ hard about his erotic Jessica-fantasies, and he can’t decide whether he should follow his heart (read: penis), or do the right thing and distract himself with work.
He heads over to a local crime scene to get his mind off Jess, and finds Andy seconds away from eating vampire Beulah’s remains. Someone needs to check this dude into rehab because he’s crashing and burning faster than Demi Lovato.
Meanwhile, Jessica goes home and breaks up with Hoyt, who collapses into a puddle of tears on the floor. Poor dude! We’re crying, he’s crying –– basically we’re all a huge, hot mess. So how can it possibly get worse? Jessica kills Hoyt and then has sex with Jason. TRUTH.
Oh wait, just a dream. False alarm!
Let’s try that again: When night falls, Jessica goes home and breaks up with Hoyt but sans the whole murder thing. She comes clean about her feelings for “another man,” which causes Hoyt to lose it completely. He breaks a lamp, calls Jess a virgin for life (suck on that!), and kicks her out of the house for good.
Jessica has nowhere to go, so she heads over to Jason’s for some rebound sex. Unfortunately, he’s all: “Woah, bros before hoes, baby vamp,” and shuts the door in her face. Great, now she’s going to have to go live with Bill and listen to him cry over Sookie all day. Sigh.
Over in Sookie’s sex dungeon, our favorite fairy princess is busy peeling the silver off Eric’s skin as he screams in agony (please, we all know he likes it), when she decides she might as well get over herself and let him give her a hickey. She offers up her neck, and then Truebies, the amazing happens: Eric bites his hand and asks Sookie to drink his blood so they can “be one.”
Obviously, Sookie gets high as a kite, and she and Eric head to the bathroom to have the shower sex we’ve all been waiting for.
Time to get wet n’ wild! Or not. Sookie and Eric feel each other up while they imagine that they’re frolicking naked in a snowy forest. Basically, it’s just like their first fangbang, only this time there’s a bed for them to make passionate, strung-out sex on.
Once they’re sober, Eric lights a fire for no apparent reason and asks Sookie to run away with him. Clearly, boyfriend (still) be trippin.’ Why would The Sookster want to leave Bon Temps? After all, she has so many fond memories –– like the time she decapitated Rene with a shovel at the local graveyard! Sookie convinces her man to stick around the nabe, but we think it’s just because she has, like, five other boyfriends to bone.
Speaking of Sookie’s other lovers, let’s check in with Alcide! As the battle between the witches and vampires reaches a boiling point, he and Debbie attend a werepanther barbecue and Marcus warns them to stay out of trouble. Hmmm, will Alcide be able to resist coming to Sookie’s rescue? Keep reading to find out!
I Put a Spell on You
Look, we all know The Craft is a great movie, but being possessed by a witch isn’t as cool as your 16-year-old self thought it was. Apparently Lafayette’s doo-rag clad body is the ultimate vacation spot for wandering spirits who want to experiment with the different ways one can style a fro-hawk, because he goes and eats Baby Mikey’s French friend for dinner.
Turns out this songbird’s real son was killed by his father and now she’s back to steal other people’s babies.
While Lala and his entourage of spirits troll around Bon Temps, Tommy skin-walks into Mrs. Fortenberry in order to negotiate the sale of her land for fast cash. Uh oh, what will Sam have to say about this?
Probably not too much, considering he’s busy playing Barbie with Luna’s daughter. Unfortunately, Luna’s jealous baby daddy, Marcus, is none too happy about her relationship with Sam, so he comes over to mark his territory. And no, we don’t mean that he pees all over the living room.
Bill’s reign as Vampire King of Louisiana isn’t exactly off to a good start. Not only has he fornicated with his granddaughter and forced his subjects to silver themselves, he now has an entire coven of witches out for vamp blood. Basically, the only good thing about shorty’s life is that pinkie ring he’s rocking.
Bill needs his royal subjects’ cooperation if he’s going to successfully deal with Marnie and her coven, and Sookie and Eric are more than happy to be of service. They head over to Bill’s palace to pledge their loyalty, and Bill concocts a plan to meet with Marnie at Bon Temps’ local graveyard –– “just the two of them.” Of course, neither Bill nor Marnie stick to their agreement and then things get ‘loco” (as Tio Luca would say).
Here’s what goes down: Bill tries to negotiate peace with Marnie, but she secretly casts a spell which covers the entire graveyard in fog. While humans and vampires run around in confusion, Tara’s attacked by Pam (and saved by Bill), Eric eats a few humans, Sookie uses her microwave fingers, Bill gets silvered by some wiccans, and Alcide morphs into a wolf and joins in on the action.
As Sookie tries to maintain the peace, she gets shot in the stomach, and since neither Bill nor Eric are available to save her, Sook’s other lover, Alcide appears and carries her off into the mist. Oh, and Marnie spends, like, five minutes stroking Eric’s hair and gazing into his eyes while she mutters something in Latin. (Someone has themselves a Viking crush!)
Is Sookie dead? Is Eric Marnie’s new sex slave? And most importantly: Did Damon Salvatore and his crow fly in from Mystic Falls to create all that fog?
Tune in to an all-new True Blood next week to find out!