It’s that time of the year again, Truebies! We’re making our list and checking it twice, and now it’s time to find out which of our favorite supernaturals are naughty or nice!
Sigh, nothing puts us in the holiday spirit like a good ol’ fashioned burn book.
1. Eric Northman: Is anyone surprised by this? Didn’t think so. Eric is a great guy, but his habit of murdering randoms and feasting on their flesh isn’t exactly filling us with yuletide cheer. Eric’s recent crimes consist of killing Nan Flanagan (RIP, girl!) and de-friending his progeny, Pam. We hate to see these two partners in sex crimes on the outs!
2. Sam Merlotte: Look, we love Sam and his ever-prevailing stubble, but Santa just can’t get on board with someone who feeds their parents to alligators. Sure, it was a nice gesture that he threw some marshmallows into the mix, but it hardly counts as a proper burial for victims of patricide.
3. Debbie Pelt: Debbie might be splattered all over Sookie’s kitchen right now, but if we’ve learned one thing from True Blood, it’s that ghosts exist and they live in our stomachs. Debbie tried hard to earn Santa’s seal of approval when she quit V, but then she got a case of the jellies and blew Tara’s brains out. Someone’s getting a lump of ghost coal in their stocking.
4. Alcide Herveaux: This wolfy wonder has looks that kill and biceps that murder. No one liked Marcus and his meddling ways, but did he really deserve death by throat punch courtesy of Alcide’s rock hard fist? (Maybe.) Alcide has a heart of gold, but his ventures into serial killer-dom are frightening Santa’s elves.
5. Sookie Stackhouse: Sookie might look all sweet and innocent with her blonde locks and sundresses, but girlfriend is a heart-breaker. Eric and Bill are still crying all over each other’s muscular shoulders from their double breakup. We know Sookie’s had a bad year full of near death experiences and spray tans, but she won’t be getting a new pair of booty shorts under the Christmas tree, that’s for sure.
1. Andy Bellefluer: Ever since Andy wandered into the forest and fornicated up a storm with that random fairy and her E.T finger, he’s totally changed for the better. Andy’s quit V, stopped his booze-hounding ways — and it looks like he might even score a date with Holly. Then again, she was high when she sexy-hugged him, so he might be all alone under the mistletoe after all.
2. Luna: This sexy skin-walker is one of the only residents of Bon Temps who hasn’t brutally murdered someone. She’s sweet, fun, pretty and a public school teacher. Basically, she’s a perfect angel. Well, except for that time she left her kid all alone in the wilderness while she and Sam made sweet love in a tent.
3. Terry Bellefluer: Oh, Terry. When he’s not PTSD-ing all over the place, Terry is one of the sweetest gents in town. He loves Arlene with all his heart, and is determined to raise Baby Mickey like he’s his own. Plus, how can we resist a man who keeps an arsenal of weaponry hidden in a tree fort?
4. Arlene Fowler: Despite her numerous fashion crimes (camo velour should be illegal), Arlene is an angel dropped form heaven. She’s sweet, kind, loving, and her hair makes us thirsty for Tang — which we hear is so 2011’s milk and cookies.
5. Lafayette Reynolds: Despite his stint as a sex working drug dealer, Lafayette made it onto the nice list because of how much we pity him. Poor dude accidentally killed his boyfriend, got blood all over his kimono, and drained bodily fluids out of a dead hippie –– all for nothing. The least Santa can do is bring him a fresh pair of silk-satin pajamas this year. Leopard print, please.