We love True Blood with a passion, but do you end every episode basking in WTF glory and confusion? We’re right there with you.
True Blood is a brilliant show with amazing actors and even more amazing six-packs, but sometimes our jaws drop in horror at the sexcestual antics that go on in Bon Temps.
Check out the five biggest WTF bombs from season 5, episode 2 "The Authority Always Wins"!
1. Why Is Everyone a Cannibal?
Our eyes our still burning from when Marcus' mom got a case of the munchies and decided to eat her son, but things took another turn for the cannibalistic this week.
Crazy Roman slit his wrist, sucked up a few ounces of bodily fluids and then fed his minions, gerbil-style, from a dropper!
Luckily, we were prepared with a airline barf bag and managed to keep down our po'boys, but we're really worried that cannibalism is the new incest. Please don't eat any of your friends with your gap-teeth, Sookie.
2. Texas Tuxedos = The New Booty Shorts
We know werewolves are backwoods hillbillies with a love for mullets and eating their own children, but that's no excuse for the amount of Texas Tuxedos we saw up in Alcide's pack.
Cropped denim jackets, faded denim jeans, washed denim shorts –– it's like they were holding a denim pride parade. Someone make it stop before we suffer flashbacks to Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake at the AMAs.
3. Sookie Acts Like a Crazy Biatch (Not To Be Confused With Were-Biatch)
Has anyone noticed that Lafayette's been doing all the dirty work with Tara? Not only did Sookie just stand there while Tara tried to eat Lala in her kitchen (probably thinking about snow sex with Eric), she was practically yawning when Lafayette cut his arm open.
So, what has the Sookster been doing this whole time? Wandering around town "reading minds."
4. God Is a Vampire, JSYK
Heads up to those of you who believe in The Man Upstairs. Dude is a vampire, and he wants to eat all of us for breakfast –– especially people named Adam and Eve.
Just a forewarning for next time you walk into a church. Way to take it to the next level of crazy, True Blood!
5. Bill's Hair Is Still Middle-Parted
We really have nothing to say about this, because talking about it sends us into a rage. Why, Bill, why? Everyone else around you manages to part their hair on the side, yet you insist upon wandering around Bon Temps with a semi-mushroom cut.