Recaps

The moment we've been waiting for has finally arrived. Yep, it's time to slip into some pleather, grab a container of Kool-Aid (you know, 'cause it's red ... like blood), and cry our eyes out: The True Blood Season 5 finale is upon us.

As you might expect, we are currently doubled over in the fetal position — and not just because our ex-boyfriend William spent most of this episode...

Time to pop open a million bottles of O Neg — True Blood Season 5's penultimate episode is upon us. You know what that means: Next week is the finale, and then we enter the horrifying nine-month period known as "hiatus blues," aka The Vampocalypse. Thank goodness for Alcide's six-pack. It understands us the way no one else does.

The Chosen One

So ... Bill is completely and totally evil....

It's been a week since we last left terrorist Bill and his legion of Lilith-loving loons, and there's already a 50 percent spike in vampire attacks thanks to the dwindling supply of Tru Blood. But the good news is, there's still plenty of General Tso's chicken to go around. In the words of newly indoctrinated Eric Northman, Praaaise Lilith!

Good Golly Miss Molly

Hide your kids, hide your...

Hello, Truebies. While we'd love to tell you that this week's episode wasn't full of evil traitors who may or may not be named Bill, that would be a lie. Yes, we're bitter; yes, we're crying; and yes, we're ripping down our Big Willy shrine as we speak. The silver lining? Naked Sam.

 
Dungeons and Dragons
 

You guys, Sookie is having an existential fairy crisis. She doesn't know who...

Welcome back to Bon Temps, where the gumbo is laced with bleach and everyone wears T-shirts that are three sizes too small for them. This week, our hillbilly friends and their bucked teeth went on their usual erotic sexplorations, complete with dry-humping, fang erections, and Alcide's naked assets. In a word: fangtastic!

Big Willie Style

It's time to check in on The Authority, because you...