Credit: CBS Photo: Survivor Blood vs. Water's Colton and Caleb

Survivor Season 27 spoilers ahead!

UPDATE (10/2/13): Yep, Colton quit. After only seven days out there. Isn’t he the best? Selfish. Spoiled. Brat. Tina was dead-on — they didn't play Colton's game, so he wanted to take his ball and go home. He cried. He sat in Caleb's lap. (Caleb, you deserve better.) He embarrassed himself and everyone else.

You could hear the anger in Jeff Probst's voice when calling him out, but Jeff has to add himself to the blame pile since he’s a producer on this show and could’ve used his influence to stop the return of Colton. (Although I guess he tried?)

So thanks, CBS, for bringing Colton back again! What a great call, considering the thousands of people who would love to be on Survivor. Colton’s the best. Maybe next he and Brandon Hantz can go on The Amazing Race together.

Original post (9/25/13):

Monica Culpepper asked the key question last week on the Survivor: Blood vs. Water premiere: “Has he changed, has he not? I don’t know. Does a zebra change their stripes?”

If the zebra is named Colton Cumbie, the answer is looking like “No.” But don't worry, 'cause it looks like he is indeed going to quit — maybe even next week. Way to bring him back twice, CBS! Such a great plan.

Colton said mean-spirited personal stuff back on One World, because he thought it was funny. Last week he tried to do a little revisionist history to make it seem like it came from a place of insecurity from all the times he’s been picked on. Try again. He may very well have been bullied and attacked growing up, but that had no connection to the awful stuff he said to the cameras about his fellow survivors, who were not attacking him.

Colton’s default setting flashed a little on the premiere and really emerged on Episode 2, "Rule in Chaos.” We didn't hear him say the kind of bigoted things he said the last time, but he showed the same negativity and childish behavior.

EPISODE 2 QUOTES FROM COLTON

Colton [on his Galang tribe]: “I thought like this whole zen, calm, yoga mentality would be appealing to me. Well, it was for about three days. Now I’m over it.”

Colton: “I came to play Survivor, I didn’t come to play Red Rover.” Monica's wise response: “Survivor is patience. It’s 39 days, you’ve got to be patient.”

Colton: “I don’t want to live with these people, I don’t want this to be the final nine.”

Colton: “I feel like I’m in middle school again. I mean, I don’t mind, like, campfire-side chats or whatever, but it’s like all they want to do.”

Colton: “If I can get all of this zen and zan out of here I can run this show.”

Colton: “When I’m angry, I turn into, like, a raging bitch — and hopefully this camp will erupt into chaos, because if there’s one thing I know, I can rule in chaos.”

Colton: “Do you think this is like a YMCA camping trip where we talk about how we want to improve ourselves? Well, you know what, I want to improve myself by winning a million dollars."
 

Credit: bigbrotheraccess Photo: Survivor Blood vs Water's Monica and Aras

COLTON IS A “BULLY” BUT NOT THE GAY RUSSELL HANTZ

Well, if he does want to win a million dollars, he’s off to a lousy start. Survivor is first and foremost a social game and Colton is socially obtuse.

At one point, he tried to launch a voting conversation with Aras Baskauskas, Tina Wesson and Gervase Peterson. They didn’t want to hear it, since they hadn’t lost a challenge yet. And they didn’t want to work with Colton.

Colton [to Aras, Tina and Gervase]: “I don’t care about winning challenges. I voluntarily go to Tribal Council.”

Yeah, that didn’t go over well. He failed to take the temperature of his tribe — which is never tailor-made to one person’s personality — and then told the cameras his tribemates were “stupid.” OK, but when two former winners tell you to slow down and take a different route, you may want to reconsider who is actually a smart gamer.

Colton lives for the drama, but he’s aggressively trying to force it so HE feels like he’s in the Survivor game he pictured in his mind. Unfortunately, Aras just fed his ego by calling him “a gay Russell Hantz.” In Colton’s mind, he’s probably Russell Hantz crossed with Jonny Fairplay. But he’s really more like a Real Housewife, stirring the pot just to amuse himself and get camera time. He got everyone against him, including his own little One World buddy, Kat Edorsson, whom he trashed in front of everyone for no defendable reason.

As Aras put it: “I really hoped that Colton had seen the way he played and he changed, but you can only fake it for so long. You come out here and you can fake who you are for four days, five days, and then the elements get to you and your true personality emerges.”

Aras called Colton a “bully,” saying he wants to scare people. “I’ve seen a side of Colton that is nasty. What he did to Kat last night at our camp is bullying.” At least Aras used the Colton-hate to form an alliance of five — Tyson, Aras, Gervase, Tina and Monica. See, Colton? They did talk game at some points, just not around you.

WHEN DOES COLTON LEAVE?

If you’re tired of Colton (again) and wonder why CBS cast him (again), prepare to be both happy and even more disgusted: Spoilers suggest Colton does quit at some point — maybe even next week on Episode 3.

Spoilers are iffy on the details, but Survivor Sucks posts suggest he might leave on the same episode that Rachel Foulger loses her Redemption Island duel. (And she just headed to RI at the end of Episode 2.) But don’t play the lottery with those numbers, there’s too much inconsistency out there. There were other spoilers that said Colton quit after Candice Cody, John Cody, and Kat Edorsson were out of the game. One early spoiler said he quit after his fiance Caleb Bankston was voted out, but other spoilers show Caleb making the jury.

The preview for Episode 3 just showed Jeff Probst asking if Colton was quitting. He cried and said he didn't care, and went over to sit on Caleb's lap right there in front of everyone on Redemption Island. Poor Caleb. He seems like a decent guy, but he's engaged to this drama prince. Guess love really is blind!

However it happens, the common denominator is that Colton quits. Something to look forward to? Head here for other spoilers, including who else may make the jury and who may make the final three.