Unexpected Moments of Jersey Genius: Season 2, Episode 1
The cast of Jersey Shore will never be held in the same regard as history’s greatest thinkers (big shocker, I know). But the first episode has proven that all that hard partying hasn’t completely fried their brains. Here are the Top 5 intelligent moments from this season’s premiere:
5. Climate control
Pauly D doesn’t need a weatherman to know which way the spraytan blows! The “Snowmageddon” that hit the East Coast prompted Pauly to conduct some research, during which he observed: “You can’t get tan in this weather!” Rhode Island’s best meteorologist adds: “You can’t creep in this weather... girls don’t come out in this weather!”
4. Why am I not on CNN?
As her new gorilla juicehead boyfriend Emilio blasts her with a third layer of spraytan, Snooki gets political and vehemently opposes the new federal tax on tanning beds. Senator Snooki concludes that the 10% tax is a travesty that Republicans would not have enacted. Will the next Jersey Shore season be in Washington, D.C.?
3. The new Lewis and Clark
Who needs Google Maps when you can have Guido Maps? Mike and Pauly D use their internal compasses to navigate the Eastern Seaboard, getting from New York to Miami on mere intuition. These resourceful brothers from another mother even set off fireworks to send out smoke signals to AAA!
2. Why am I not on Top Chef?
In the depths of Georgia, Snooki discovers one thing full of Southern charm: fried pickles! After some thoughtful tasting, Skooners puts on her chef hat and her thinking cap to walk herself through the recipe: “It was like a sliced pickle, and then it was fried.” The gourmand delightfully adds: “It was crunchy but... juicy.” Watch out, Colonel Sanders, your secret herbs and spices might be next!
1. Look ma, I can do math!
Working out the creepy logistics of his stay in Miami, Vinny comes up with this equation: “If I’m there for 60 days, I can keep hitting it with 60 different girls. And if there’s a night where I can’t get one, I’ll just double up the next night.” Damn, Vin — you should be writing questions for the Guido SATs!