Damon Salvatore is the snark king of Mystic Falls. Sure, he mumbles and has a tendency to smirk. But oh — the things that come out of his mouth. So what witticisms did prime time’s finest bloodsucker drop this week? Here are Damon’s best zingers from Vampire Diaries Season 4, Episode 5, “The Killer.”

10. Shame on you
Damon: Oh, I see. Classic shame spiral.
Elena: I’m not in a shame spiral.
Damon:  Oh, you so are. Newbie vampire remorse. It’s worse than a hangover.

9. Plan A
Damon, to Stefan: We have a plan. The plan is I’m going to rip Connor’s heart out then I’m going to feed it to him.

8. But what about Plan B
Stefan: We need to be careful. Connor has Jeremy and who knows how many other hostages.
Damon: Hence the open heart surgery.

7. Pot calls the kettle “killer”
Damon, to Elena: For someone who doesn’t want to be like me, you sure are good at it.

6. He's a size large and in charge
Damon, to Stefan: Is that where you've been all morning? Out buying bossypants?

5. Good advice?
Damon, to Elena: [Connor] doesn’t know you’re a vampire. So get as close as you can, then kill him.

4. Now that’s commitment
Damon: I had to punch through a boiler room basement into a septic tank to get to this stupid tunnel.

3. His brother’s keeper
Damon, to Stefan, about Klaus: I got your back. You know, when he comes to murder you.

2. His Brother’s Keeper (pt. 2)
Damon: Sure, Stefan, since you asked, I’d be happy to go on a suicide mission with you for a potentially nonexistent cure. No problem.
Stefan: A couple of hours ago you were ready to rip my heart out.
Damon: Because you were being pain in the ass.

1. Good question
Damon: Do you want to cure her because she’s a vampire and she’s not cut out to be or because you can’t love her if she is one?
Stefan: I’ll always love her. But she’s not supposed to be this person. I don’t want her to be.
Damon: Well, if I’m going to ride this fairy tale to its conclusion, I’m want to be very clear about one thing.
Stefan: What’s that?
Damon: I’m fine with her either way, brother. So if I do this, I’m doing it for you.


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