Credit: Quantrell Colbert/The CW ©2009 The CW Network Photo: Elena and Stefan Drive in Season 2, Episode 14: "Crying Wolf"
5. The Brady Bunch kidnaps Damon.
That tiny wolf Stevie has skills. He sneaks into the Salvatore manse, knifes Alaric, and stabs Damon with a Vervain-filled syringe, taking both men down all by his lonesome. Afterwards, Jules saunters in for the where’s-the-moonstone interrogation. And things get bloody. But even though he’s wearing a shrinking spiked collar around his neck, Damon keeps his cool. “Let me tell you how this is going to go,” he warns Jules. “You’re going to torture me. I don’t talk. Somebody loses a heart.”

4. Elijah saves Damon’s life. Again.
Hey, we can’t say Damon didn’t warn them. Just as Jules’ interrogation gets too gory for prime time, Elijah steps in and breaks up the snuff party. He places the coveted moonstone on the table. Then when the wolves go for it, he snatches three hearts out in two seconds. (Looks like the heart snatch is Elijah’s signature move.) Scared and too slow to escape, Tiny Wolf Stevie tries to hide inside his coat. (Dude literally squats down and pulls his jacket up over his head. Hilarious!) Amused, Elijah asks him, “What about you sweetheart?” before going Ong-bak on him with an elbow to the face. “You realize this is the third time I’ve saved your life now,” Elijah says tells Damon as he frees him. Yeah. But, who’s counting?

3. Stefan kills Brady.
While Jules was busy casting Damon in a snuff film, Tyler and her best dog Brady went doppelganger hunting out at the Gilbert family lake house. Did we say Tyler? Yes, Ty. The new wolf decided to help Brady because Jules told him that if the werewolves used Elena to break the curse, then he wouldn’t have to go all teen wolf once a month. Out at the house, Brady made easy prey of Stefan, sneaking up on the vamp and shooting him. But he also made two big mistakes. His first was handing the gun to Tyler to watch Stefan. The second was not telling Ty that Elena would have to die in order for the curse to be lifted. When Stef set the record straight, Ty switched sides and Stefan ripped Brady’s throat out. Game. Over.

2. Jeremy and Bonnie kiss!
And it’s about damn time! So we’ll cut to the chase: Jer and Bon-Bon locked eyes. Bonnie stammered on about him being Elena’s little brother and whatnot, then she made a Freudian slip. “Overnight you’ve turned into this hot guy who’s really sweet,” she said. “You think I’m hot?” Jeremy asked. Before she could answer he stepped to her, leaned in, and…. Smoochie-smooch! His kiss literally took Bonnie’s breath. “Wow,” she sighed when he pulled back. We echo her sentiment: Wow.

1. Tyler leaves town.
It has been a crazy couple of weeks for Mystic Falls’ top jock. And Tyler can’t take it anymore. So tonight, a few days after he turned into a werewolf for the first time and helped torture Caroline, and mere hours after he witnessed a dozen or so deaths and almost got Elena killed, he decided to leave town. He packed one bag, left a note for his mother, told Matt to take care of Caroline, then climbed into the truck with Jules. “I can’t stay here,” he said. “Not like this.” And he’s not crying wolf.
Credit: Quantrell Colbert/The CW ©2009 The CW Network Photo: Stefan Embraces Elena in Season 2, Episode 14: "Crying Wolf"
News update: Andie is not dead! That’s right. Apparently the reporter from the bathtub in last week’s episode was just an appetizer for Damon and not the full meal. And we’re not ashamed to say that discovering that fact made us very happy. We see Andie early in “Crying Wolf,” getting ready for work. She’s got a huge bandage on her neck. But she’s blissfully alive. And still human! Only now it seems she’s the new Caroline (circa Season 1). Translation: Andie’s a woman Damon compels into loving him and letting him feed — someone who suddenly develops an obsession with strategically wrapped scarves. But, enough about Andie. Here’s our cheat sheet for this week’s action-packed episode of The Vampire Diaries.

10. The Brady Bunch tries to break the curse.
You know the one — the curse about the moon and the sun and whatever. Forget the fact that Brady and Co. have been explicitly warned to get the heck out of dodge. After they learn that Mason came home looking for the moonstone, they decide to find the rock, “kill every vampire in this town,” and make sure that, if the spell is broken, werewolves will be the ones to rule the supernatural world. Of course that’s easier said than done.

9. Stefalena share a romantic weekend getaway.
To escape her creepy uncle-daddy, Elena decides to take Stefan to the Gilbert family lake house — a place she hasn’t visited since her parents died. And you know what? Aunt Jenna lets her go. We’re not sure if that makes Jenna a cool guardian or a careless one. But we’ve got a suggestion: Since the Gilbert’s have a second home, why doesn’t John just live there?

8. John Gilbert acts like a “wick” with a “D.”
Speaking of the devil, Uncle-Daddy Dearest spends the entire episode snaking around, trying to stake his claim on the Gilbert household. When Aunt Jenna tells him she let Elena go off with Stefan, he calls her a bad parent. He then goes on to tag Alaric as a liar. (Oh the irony!) “Did he ever tell you what happened to his wife?” he asked. Later, when John runs into the history teacher, he has the nerve to demand Alaric return the resurrection ring Isobel had given him. “That belongs to me,” he says. Oh, really? Then whose ring did Uncle John give to Jeremy? We’re just asking.

7. Elijah schools Damon. Again.
When the elder Salvatore approaches Elijah at his guest lecture about small Virginia towns, the O.V.’s not having it. He effortlessly smashes Damon against the wall and holds him there. “I’m an original. Show a little respect,” he tells D. “Whenever you cease to be of use to me, you’re dead. So you should do what I say.” Then he stabs Damon in the neck with a pencil. For emphasis. Dang. What a way to take our cocky boy down a notch.

6. Bonnie sticks it to Luka.

Determined to find out the real deal behind the whole Elena-Elijah partnership, Bon-Bon decides to do her crew a favor by getting the deets from Luka. She meets Luka at the Grill and hands him a cup of mocha-frappa-sleepy-time; then she lets Jeremy catch the warlock as he falls the freak out. “What kind of witch roofie was that?” Jeremy asks as he drags Luka out of the restaurant. “A strong one,” Bonnie replied. No kidding. He wakes up, incapacitated, laying in a circle of candles with Bonnie forcing him to tell the truth. He pleads for her to stop. But Bon-Bon is on a mission. What does she discover? That the Martins are helping Elijah because he’s holding Luka’s sister captive. Oh, and “Elena has to die.”